ruin the endings to your favorite movies

here's a fun exercise to toy around with what exactly is dramatic. take your favorite movie(s) and write a synopsis of a new, terrible, i mean to really choke, ending. for example:

in the usual suspects, verbal kint finishes his story with chaz palmentary, and so we're in real time. kaiser sose then shoots verbal through the window with a blow dart, filled with the poison the pygmies use to kill birds in the congo. it prevents verbal from ever taking the stand in court. chaz palmentari tries to track down kaiser sose, but just like that, (whew), he was gone.

in t2, when cyborg arnold is apparently killed by the t-1000, and has to restart from his alternate power source, he actually confuses his mission parameters. and instead of "protect john connor," he is now to "kill john connor." now john and his wacko mother have to kill the t-1000 and arnold by themselves. they struggle for three seconds and are killed by the cyborgs. no fate.

the reporter discovers what rosebud is at the end of citizen kane. his butler knew all along, as he had overheard charles foster kane speak of rosebud -- his nickname for a part of his wife's anatomy. turns out charles foster kane just wanted to get laid one last time.

the cross-cutting between sex and violence in "munich" is an "issue" only to people who are squirmy about sex in the first place. spielberg was simply trying to show that avner kaufman had a lot on his mind, that he was traumatized by his mission. besides, it's not as if our minds don't wander to other things while we're doing something else.

"It's A Wonderful Life" ... Jimmy Stewart jumps off the bridge. Clarence is averse to getting wet. Jimmy Stewart drowns.

"Raiders of the Lost Ark" ... The "Don't look" advice doesn't work. Everybody dies when the ark is opened.

"Casablanca" ... As Rick and Capt. Renault walk off into the darkness, the plane carrying Ilsa and Victor crashes.

"The Godfather" ... The entire film is set in Idaho.

"Sin City" ... a role is written in for the RoadRunner. (Beep! Beep!)

Chris said... "I'd just ask Spielberg how he would end it. I am not arrogant enough to think I can produce a worse ending than the master himself."

That comment is priceless!
Major smiles and L-O-L :D

I mean, think about it - that is so true! I've yet to rent his MUNICH film [read alot about it though], and I heard this moving's ending is very bizarre, with an explicit sex scene cut against some other dramatic footage. Weird, huh?

And WAR OF THE WORLDS was a wasted opportunity [although great visual effects etc] - with a very lame ending.

-Love Hendrix!

Passion of the christ: Resurection score plays, and instead of jesus, steven seagal stands up and walks the earth.

Signs: Aliens discover a book called "little house on the prairie" while searching the house and leave the planet.

E.T.: ET misses the ufo home, so he waits for antother 20years and boots up a computer just to click "Home" in explorer.

Saving Private ryan: They find him, hank dies at the final battle calling ryan's name. Matt damon looks at him with surprise and tearfull eyes while whispering: Im not ryan, im bryan.

Jurassic Park: Dinosaurs eventually discover that they are clones living in the illusion of an island when in real life they live in a universal sound stage, so they plan their escape.

i'm sure "temple of doom" almost ended up that way, and a pie fight at the end of "munich" might've actually worked (everyone needed to lighten up a bit, especially geoffrey rush's character).

**i think spielberg thought about ending "a.i." with a pie fight.**


A pie fight would have made a better ending for every Spielberg movie since 1982.

i think spielberg thought about ending "a.i." with a pie fight.

I'd just ask Spielberg how he would end it. I am not arrogant enough to think I can produce a worse ending than the master himself.

SPOILER WARNING

How about at the end of M. Night Shyamalan's "The Village," the girl climbs over the fence, and we find out that the whole town she lives in is not inhabited by a group of space aliens or matrix holograms or time-transplants, but are just a bunch of ordinary people who want to live out in the wilderness all by themselves. I mean, wouldn't that be the worst possible ending you could ever imagine? What a let down that would be for the audience! Good thing nobody thought of actually filming such a dumb thing.

OK, I admit I haven't really caught the spirit of this exercise yet. How about at the end of "The Shawshank Redemption," Robbins and Freeman walk the green mile? Spartacus overthrows the Roman Empire! Bogart drops the Maltese falcon on his foot and sues the Fat Man. The door closes at the end of "The Godfather" and it says "Men's Room" on it. Gable turns to Vivien Leigh and pronounces "Dearly, my dame, I don't give a Frank." Dorothy and Cinderella cut their feet on those danged ruby and glass slippers. Tony Perkins drowns in the shower. And when Dave wakes up at the end of "2001" and finds himself in a fancy, eighteenth-century room, he discovers it's really just a building in the woods where a bunch of ordinary people want to live out in the wilderness all by themselves.

John