Funniest Movie Lines Of All Time

I'm curious as to everyones opinions on this topic. Personally, I have quite a few, but I'll start with one.

(Willow)

Willow : See this acorn? I'll throw it at you and turn you to stone!
Madmartigan : Ooh, I'm really scared. Help! There's a peck with an acorn pointed at me!
Willlow : Don't call me a peck!
Madmartigan : Oh I'm sorry! Peck! Peck! Peck, Peck, Peck, Peck, Peck!

- J8)sh

(Robinhood: Men In Tights)

Scarlet : Blinkin! Fix your boobs; you look like a bleedin' Picasso!


(The Junglebook)

Buzzie : Hey Flaps, So what are we going to do?
Flaps : I don't know, what'cha wanna do?
Buzzie : Look Flaps, first I say "what we going to do?" then you say "I don't know, what'cha wanna do?" then I say "what we going to do" then you say what'cha wanna do" let's do something!
Flaps : Ok. What'cha wanna do?


(Ferris Bueller's Day Off)

Cameron: "When Cameron was in Egypt's laaaaand... let my Cameron goooooo"

NO.....TICKET!!

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

One of my fav lines (from Spaceballs)
His @ss, it's on backwards!
Then he scratches himself and says
"Why didn't anyone tell me my @ss was so big!"
I was lmao.....:D

There are a lot of funny lines from this movie, but that was one that came to mind, lol....
:D

Josh, thats why I put 'screw' in [], so that it was like the censored version of it.

Onijay,

That's a good one too!

I don't know if you noticed or not, but when I saw that scene in the theater, if you watch Sigourney's lips, she doesn't say "screw that", she uses the F-bomb. They just dubbed over it. I laughed my butt off when I saw that.

John,

Holy crap! How did I forget about "Dumb & Dumber"?!! That movie has some of the best lines ever! Good one John! Thanks for the older movies too! I'll have to check them out some day. There are a bunch with Chevy Chase, but I can't think of them off the top of my head, except

National Lampoon's European Vacation:

Chevy Chase: There's Parliament again kids!

Harry: "It gets worse. My parakeet, Petey."
Lloyd: "Yeah?"
Harry: "He's dead."
Lloyd: "Oh, man, I'm sorry. What happened?"
Harry: "His head fell off."
Lloyd: "His head fell off?"
Harry: "Yeah. He was pretty old."

And a about a hundred more lines from "Dumb and Dumber," a really dumb film with some of the funniest lines in any movie around.

"Your left or my left?" --Robert De Niro, "Mean Streets"

"I do wish we could chat longer, but I'm having an old friend for dinner." --Anthony Hopkins, "The Silence of the Lambs"

"Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?" --Mae West, "She Done Him Wrong"

"I AM serious, and don't call me Shirley." --Leslie Nielsen, "Airplane"

"Tis but a scratch." --the Black Knight, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"

"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries!" --John Cleese, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"

"Anyone? Anyone?" --Ben Stein, "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"

"Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death!" --Rosalind Russell, "Auntie Mame"

"This morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I don't know." --Groucho Marx, "Animal Crackers"

"He slimed me." --Bill Murray, "Ghostbusters"

"Frau Bleucher!" --various characters, followed by the sound of horses whinnying in "Young Frankenstein"

"Great knockers!" --Gene Wilder, "Young Frankenstein"

"Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops." --Cary Grant, "Arsenic and Old Lace"

But the classic: "Well, nobody's perfect." --closing line, Joe E. Brown, "Some Like It Hot"

John

Galaxy Quest, when the crew is trying to retake the ship and Tim Allen and Sigourney Weaver reach a room where these big metal "chompers" are continually stomping the ground, Sigourney shouts:
"Well [screw] that!"
Later the Commander explains why the 'chompers' are there (because they were in the show)
"this shouldn't be here! It makes no logical sense! It's just a bunch of things that slam down! There's no reason for them!... Well forget, I'm not doing it! This episode was badly written!"
[Later, whilst the captain is holding Gwenn and pushing her to jump through flames after clearing the chompers, a boy on a voice box is screaming: "Jump commander! Jump!"]


It's an utter riot!

No more rhyming, I mean it!
Anybody want a peanut?

(The Princess Bride)

In my opinion, Roddney Dangerfield is the King of one liners! ;)

"Last time I seen a mouth like that it had a hook in it" -- Roddney D. - Caddyshack

"Oh no, all women go to Switzerland to get their watch fixed" -- Roddney D. - Back to School

(lady walks up in a green dress)"If you had anymore pockets you'd look like a pool table!" -- Roddney D. - Back to School

"Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? Oh, it looks good on you though." -- Roddney D. - Caddyshack

"Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity." -- Roddney D. - Caddyshack

"He called me a baboon, he thinks I'm his wife." -- Roddney D. - Caddyshack

"Bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out. And then bring one every ten minutes." -- Roddney D. - Back to School

"Are you fat? When you go jogging, do you leave potholes? When you make love, do you have to give directions? At the zoo, do the elephants throw you peanuts? Do you look at a menu and say 'OK!'?" -- Roddney D. - Back to School

"And just remember, the best thing about kids... is making them!" -- Roddney D. - Back to School

"I hear in Canada you only have sex doggy style; that way you can both see the hockey game." -- Roddney D. - Meet Wally Sparks

"Siskel and Ebert caught my show. They gave me one finger up." -- Roddney D. - Meet Wally Sparks

"The other day I saved a girl from being attacked: I changed my mind." -- Roddney D. - Meet Wally Sparks

"What a place, Canada; they started a country and no one showed up." -- Roddney D. - Meet Wally Sparks


Tim :D

(Superman)
Otis: (extatic gasp) "Are we going to Addis Abbaba Mr. Luthor?"


(The Mask)
-Having pockets searched by Police- The Mask: "I don't know whay you're looking for, but it's a little to the left"


(The Matrix)
Neo: "I know Kung Fu"


(Dumb & Dumber)
Motorcycle Cop: "Pull over!"
Harry: "No! It's a cardigan! But thanks for noticing!"

Rex: "Grab my arm, no the other arm. NO, MY OTHER ARM"

-napoleon dynamite

Thought of some more:
"I bet she gives great helmet" Dark Helmet--Spaceballs
"She's gone from suck to blow" --Spaceballs
"I see your schwartz is as big as mine"--Spaceballs
"Good? Bad? I'm the guy with the gun" Ash--Army of Darkness
"Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic and so am I" Bob- What About Bob?
"There's a shortage of perfect breasts in the world, it would be a pity to damage yours" --The Princess Bride
:)

"Could you describe the ruckus?:p

The Breakfeast Club

from
Friday: Hey boy, you just got knocked the Fuck Out!!!!!!

I have one, but not from a movie:

"I call the big on Bitey." Homer Simpson.

From a movie...

"Aw man, I just shot Marvin in the face." John Travolta--Pulp Fiction

(Multiplicity)
Michael Keaton: "She touched my peppy Steve"

(O Brother Where Art Thou?)
Ulysses: "Damn! We're in a tight spot!"

(Roxanne)
C.D. Bales : I have a dream. It's not a big dream, it's just a little dream. My dream - and I hope you don't find this too crazy - is that I would like the people of this community to feel that if, God forbid, there were a fire, calling the fire department would actually be a wise thing to do. You can't have people, if their houses are burning down, saying, "Whatever you do, don't call the fire department!" That would be bad.


(So I Married An Axe Murderer)

Harriet : What do you look for in a woman you date?
Charlie : Well, I know everyone always says sense of humor, but I'd really have to go with breast size.

Charlie's Dad: HEEED!! PANTS!! NOW!!

"I hear this place is restricted Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish" - Rodney Dangerfield in "Caddyshack"

this isnt from a movie, but its on dvd none the less,

from the british tv show "The Office" (aka the funniest tv show in all of mankind):

worker (to hot new co-worker, in the introduction meeting for her): ive got something she could take down in evidence.

everyone at meeting: mild laughs

worker #2 to girl: i know ive got something to shove up her tunnel.

david brent (boss): get out

worker #2: what?

brent: get out. right now.

other workers: *dead silence*

worker #2: *leaves room silently with head down*

"It's just like going into Wisconsin"

Stripes

"Gracie segniore"------Amadeus
"So you brought me here for blackup?" ----Against the ropes

;)

lol mra..the breakfast club..I love that movie!!
it has some great lines:)

Karrie

(Scream)
Stuart Macher: "You hit me with the phone man!"

(Willow)

?? - "Out of the way Peck!"

(Ghostbusters II)

DANA
(speaking of the villain in a painting) He was also a lunatic and a genocidal madman. I hate this painting. I've felt uncomfortable ever since it came up from storage.

PETER
Well, you're probably feeling what Vigo's feeling. Carpathian kitten loss! He's missed his kitten!
(grabs some paint)
We'll just put one in here by the castle.

"If you're so upset, why are you going out for pizza?":o

Lucas

[ banging on a high note on a piano ]

"They hate that!"

Ghostbusters!

Hyde: Stop doing it!
Kelso: For the last time, I am not Do-ing anything!:@
But if i get Jackie back, THEN I'll admit I was doing something!:)

That 70's Show

BY THE WAY
The first season will be available
October 26, 2004
(at a home theater near you)

You tried milk him didnt you? You sick son of a bitch!!! - Robert DeNiro "Meet The Parents"

Because "Kate & Leopold" combined a sweet love story between two very different people from two very different worlds with a clever time-travel motif and several big laughs, and because it may have been the last hurrah for Meg Ryan in a romantic comedy, I found it a delightful film. As I said in my review, which obviously only I have read. Humph.

John

haha. the general of electric. that cracks me up :p

Ok, I think I may have to go rent "Kate & Leopold" now. I never did get around to seeing it, but that's pretty freakin funny!

From Kate and Leopold. The part is a bit long, but cracks me up.
(Dinner at Kate´s)
Leopold, giving up on his overfried chicken: "May I have the next course?"
Kate: "There is no next course. Ha!"
Leo: Where I come from a meal is a result of reflection and study. Manues are prepered in advance, timed to perfection.
(Next morning smoke detector goes off at Leo´s, Kate rushes in, the room is full of smoke)
Leo: That thing is a damned hazzard!
Kate: It´s just a toaster!
Leo: Well. Insertion of a bread into the so called toaster produces no toast at all, merely warm bread. Inerting it twice produces charocoal! Clearly, to make a proper toast it requires one and a half insertions, something for which the aparatus does not begin to allow. One would think that when the General of Electric built it he might have tried using it. One assumes that the General might take pride in his creation instead of wasting it on a non-suspecting public.
Kate: Nobody gives a rat´s ass that you have to push your toast down twice, because everybody pushes their toast down twice!
Leo: Not where I come from!
Kate: Oh, because where you come from the toast is a result of reflection and study?

---

[Post edited by Sashaofspain on Sep 1, 2004]

Since were talking TV shows now, heres a few from Seinfeld...
(this is a conversation between Jerry and Kramer)
"Hey Kramer, if I killed someone would you turn me in?"
(pauses for a few seconds)"Absolutely"
"What? Why would you do that?"
"Well what are you doing going around killing people?"
"Im sure if I killed someone I would have a good reason for it"
"Well how do I know Im not next?"
"But you know me"
"I thought I did"

(Between George and his boss)
"I have just been informed that you and the cleaning women have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office. Is that correct?"
"Who said that?"
"She did"
(George pauses for a long time) "Was that wrong? Should I not have done that"

(Jerry getting a rental car from a car rental place)
"Ah, yes I have asked for a Ford Taurus full size"
"Im sorry sir, we have no full sizes left"
"But I made a reservation, dont you have my reservation?"
"Yes we have your reservation, but unforturnetely we seem to have run out of cars"
"But the reservation keeps the car here, thats why you have a reservation"
"I know why we have reservations sir"
"I dont think you do, see you now how to take the reservation, you just dont know how to hold the reservation, and that is really the most important part."

(Mystery Science Theater 3000 "the movie")

(characters "Mike" & "Tom Servo" square dancing to "Cro" MC-ing)

Cro: Now grab your partner do si do, spin 'em around now don't let go.... now swing 'em left 'n swing 'em right, turn 'em round and hold on tight... (Cro now screaming like the lead singer in "Green Jelly") NOW THROW 'EM ACROSS THE ROOM, PUNCH 'EM IN THE FACE!! ANARCHY!!! ANARCHYYYYY!!!...... now prominade!"

That's why Tim is the highest-paid member of our staff. Mind like a steel trap. Information goes in and stays in forever. He's kind of like the black hole of reviewers.

John

wow. was that from memory?

Austin Powers:

Speech by Dr. Evil -

"The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it. "

:D

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Austin: "Owww! Who throws a shoe? I mean come on man! Owww! Thats gonna leave a scar!"

Jackie Brown

Robert Deniro says to Sam Jackson:" You know I asked her to stop... but she just wouldn't, you know she just wouldn't, just kept on going... so I shot her."
Sam replies: "YOU SHOT HER!? where? Why? ...Goddamnit!"

Of course the scene itself where [just so you have fun watching it] gets shot is just priceless. Thank you Quint!

I just read these all again...and I'm still laughing ;) You guys know some funny lines!!

Karrie

Since some of us mentioned TV, I remembered a lot of lines that were used in drama series that were drop dead funny. From a sit-com we expect that, but when we are watching something intense like ER humor is appreciated twice.

From The West Wing.
Josh Lyman, responding to President´s long monologue about national parks: Wow, you are quite a nerd, Mr. President.
Presdent: Hm... (long pause) I assume this was said with all due respect?
Josh: Yeah.

suck it to me liberaci --------------SHINE (RESTORANT PIANO SCENE)

Animal House:

Dean Vernon Wormer - "As of now they're on Double SECRET Probation!"

:D

(Condorman)

Harry Oslo : "Woody, you're a great cartoonist, and you're a great comic book writer - but you're a lousy bird"

From "Home Alone 2: Lost in New York".

(Scene at the Miami airport. Family is picking up the bags.)
"Give this to Kevin. Give this to Kevin. Give this to Kevin. Give this to Kevin. Give this to Kevin...Kevin is not here. Kevin is not here. Kevin is not here. Kevin is not here. What?!!!

"Listen, strange women lying about in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony."

- Monty Python and the Holy Grail

"OWWW! You shot me you A-hole!"

- Dr. Evil

And from Miller's Crossing:

Leo: You hear about Rug?
Tom: Yeah, RIP.
Leo: They took his hair, Tommy. Jesus, that's strange, why would they do that?
Tom: Maybe it was injuns.
________________________________________

Caspar: Last night, I know The Dane was disappointed the bulls showed up before Frankie and Tic-Tac could really pin your ears back, but I said, relax Eddie, I got a feeling about this kid. Take the long view. The kid and Leo are gonna go bust-o. If the kid ain't ready yet, well, he soon will be. Matter of time. I said, the kid's too smart for Leo. That's what I said. Like a psychic. Ask The Dane if I didn't. Like a goddamn psychic. G'ahead. Ask him.

Tom (turns to The Dane): You vouch for this psychic business?

Eddie Dane (sneers): That's right, smart guy.

"Don't beat yourself up over this, Mitch. It's not your fault. Dammit, Blue was old. That's what old people do. They die." --Vince Vaughn, while being overheard by an old lady in "Old School"

"I have nipples Greg, can you milk me?" - DeNiro - Meet the Parents

And more from Galaxy Quest ...

Brandon: Yeah, I know, I know it's just a tv show, I realize that
Jason: NO IT'S REAL!
Brandon: I KNEW IT!!!!!!!!!!!

(My Blue Heaven)

Vinnie "You know, it's dangerous for you to be here in the frozen food section."

Shaldeen "Why is that?"

Vinnie " 'cause you could melt all of this stuff."

Okay, 1 more from Galaxy Quest...

Guy: Hey guys, (points to tactical viewscreen) there's a red....uh...thingy...moving toward the green-thingy.

Jason: What?

Guy: Red thingy moving toward the green thingy! I think...I think we're the green thingy.

Clerks

Customer: could i use your restroom?

Dante: Sure

Customer: What kind of toilet paper is in there?

Dante: The white kind

Customer: i dont care what color it is, is it rough?

Dante: yah, it kinda is

Customer: well that will hurt my hemorrhoids. can i take a roll of the good kind back there?

Dante: sure

Customer: well, im gonna need something to read. sometimes it takes a while, and i like to have something to read.

Dante: sure, you can bring a magazine from the rack

Customer: can i have one of those behind the counter?

Dante: the pornos?

Customer: I like to read the cartoons. they make me laugh. they draw real nice titties (*dante hands the magizine to the customer*). not this one, the one under this one. they draw bigger titties

and you all know what happens to the guy next...

-matt

(Ace Ventura When Nature Calls)

Ace: "Shhhhishkabob!, Shhhhawshenk Redemption!, ChicaaaaaGO!! YOU'RE OUTA THERE!!"

(Ghostbusters)

RAY: "Listen! Do you smell something?"

Jimmy Conway : WHOA. I don't believe what I'm hearing. Check out the BALLS on this kid. Hey Spider, this is for you. - Goodfellas

Well, I did entitle the thread "Funniest Movie LINES Of All Time" not Funniest movie SCRIPTS of all time. ;) You get too long with your descriptions, and people get bored trying to "re-live" the scene through text.

- Josh :D

Short & sweet? Damn, there goes that lengthy Romeo & Juliet soliloquy I was gonna quote next. I'll settle for a short one, then...

Benvolio: What sadness lengthens Romeo's hours?

Romeo: Not having that, which, having, makes them short.

You can always use IMDB.com. Each movie has a 'memorable quotes' section.

I'm under the assumption few are actually reading the really long ones anyways ;). Short and sweet is the way to go.

Onijay, we have very literate readers here at DVD Town, and they've got terrific memories. Here are some things from "Bruce Almighty":

God: Well, I guess you can't do anything now that you're dead.
Bruce: I'm DEAD?
[pause]
God: Naw, I'm just messing with ya.
Bruce: That is NOT funny.

And the next one's not funny, either, just touching:

God: Parting soup is not a miracle, Bruce. It's a magic trick. Now, a single mom who works two full-time jobs, and still finds the time to pick up her kid at soccer practice, that's a miracle. A teenager that says "no" to drugs and "yes" to an education, that's a miracle. You want to see a miracle, son? Be the miracle.

John

do you guys put these films on subtitles and write it down on paper and then transfer it over here? Cause if you don't... Anywyas, I like the line from Aliens:
Watch out, theres uncensored swearing!
The alien queen has just sent her long spiked tail through the abdomen of everyones favorite robot and he is lifting off the ground spewing blood-milk everywhich way, drenching himself in it. He is lifted to the drop ships left wheel and is promptly split in half by the queen massive talons. Each portion of his body is sent flying in the other direction and the queen descends the craft and stares both Ripley and Newt in the face. Ripley discracts the queen very hastily and tells Newt to run and hide. The music is very intense at this point as the scene builds to a climax. Ensuring that Newt is safe Ripley runs for the storage shed and the queen chases her. The queen, upon the realization that Ripley is safe behind the wall she turns to Newt. The queen breathes heavily and finds Newt hiding underneath the floor grates. The queen then procedes to pick each one up and reaches for Newt, who each time barely escapes. Finally, Newt runs out of grating to hide under and the queen extands her talons to grab her. Suddenly the door behind which Ripley was hiding raises upwards and Ripley emerges from the darkness in her massive yellowpower loader, operating the pneumatics on each arm to raise them into the air. Then Ripley looks upon the face of the quenn (at this point the hole audience is unbelievably tense) and says:
"Get away from here you BITCH!"
The ultimate line...

Heres one from Austin Powers 2...(LONG)
(Austin and Felicity interagating Will Ferrells character after they captures him)
Austin: Who sent you?
Mustafa: Youll have to kill me!
Austin: Who sent you?
Mustafa: Kiss my ass Powers!
Austin: Who sent you?
Mustafa: Dr. Evil.
(Austin looks surprised)
Felicity: That was easy.
Austin: That was easy.
Felicity: Why did you tell us?
Mustafa: I cant stand to be asked the same question 3 times, it just irritates me.
Austin: Where is Dr. Evil hiding?
Mustafa: Why would he tell me? Im just one of his low level functionaries.
Austin: Where is Dr. Evil hiding?
Mustafa: Youll have to kill me, Ill never tell you.
Austin: Where is Dr. Evil hiding?!
Mustafa: Damn! 3 times. Hes hiding in a secret volcano lair.
Austin: Where is Dr. Evils secret volcano lair?
Mustafa: I spit at that that question.
Austin: Do I really have to ask you 2 more times?
Mustafa: Go to hell Powers!
Austin: Fine. Where is Dr. Evils secret volcano lair?
Mustafa: I will take it to the grave with me!
Felicity: Ah ha! You have to answer he asked you three times.
Mustafa: No, no, no. The second question was, do I really have to ask you two more times? So that would be the first question in a new line of questioning, and wouldnt count in the other line of questioning.
Austin: Hes right. But Im just trying to get information from you man, I dont need any consistency in the questions do I?
Mustafa: No you do, you are preaching to the converted.
(Mini me shoots a dart at Mustafa from the other side of the road)
Austin: Well if Im preaching to the converted, then why are being so slavish to the three question form is my question. Youre not even looking at me man now thats just rude.
(Mustafa trips over the cliff and falls, you can hear him hit)
(Austin stands there for a while and then Mustafa yells up)
Mustafa: Hello up there? I seem to have fallen down a cliff. Im still alive but Im very badly injured. I think my legs are broken. Ill try to stand.(His leg cracks). Yes it is broken. Perhaps you could toss me down a Bandaid or some anti bacterial cream, Im in a extraordinaryily large amount of pain. The bone has gone threw the skin, I fear it might be gangrenous. The wound is beginning to smell like almonds, which is not good. Please? No one?
Austin: Sorry.
Mustafa: Ill try the other leg(it cracks)

And from Good Will Hunting...

Will: Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll give it a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. So I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never had a problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Send in the marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a sh*t. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number was called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some guy from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile my buddy from Southie realizes the only reason he was over there was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish to scare up oil prices so they could turn a quick buck. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And naturally they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the job interviews, which sucks 'cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starvin' 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what do I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. Why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president.

Oh man, I shot Marvin in the face.


Vincent...Pulp Fiction



best....line...ever :D

good one!

Who could forget a timeless line from the most prolific athlete/actor/rap star/video game fighting character of our time


Grab my belly and make a wish - KaZaam

This line defines american consumerism and our need to alienate things we fear and do not understand...

You see the "belly" represents greed and by grabbing it...we acknowledge our faults... the "wish" is accepting our human condition

What Shaq was saying really is " look deep into your soul and understand that we are by nature competing for material things... things we can hold and see... status if you will... but we really need to focus on love and bringing our fellowmen and women closer to our hearts"



either that or he is a child molester... that boy was like 11

(Planes, Trains, & Automobiles)


-Waking up after sharing the same bed in a motel-

Neal: "Del... Why did you kiss my ear?"
Del: "Why are you holding my hand?"
Neal:"Where's your other hand?"
Del: "Between two pillows..."
Neal:"Those AREN'T PILLOWS!"

ya ive seen clerks a few times...good stuff! Badder Santa wasnt a great movie story wise, but youre right there was a few lines that had me LMAO!!

Karrie

"I think I get it: in life we have no names, but in death we are given them. His name was Robert Paulson. His name was Robert Paulson, his name was Robert Paulson..."
Fight Club: The cause and solution to: all of life's problems.

ooh, bad santa is full of great lines. good choice, karrie.

if you want funny lines, just watch clerks a few times and you wont be disappointed.

Red Dwarf:

Holly: I hope the ship we are about to contact has supplies.

Lister: why?

Holly: we ran out of milk yonks ago. were on the ultra backup supply.

Lister: well then, what milk am i drinking?

Holly: Dogs milk. it lasts longer than regular milk.

Lister: why is that?

Holly: no bugger'll drink it. and when it goes bad it tastes the same as when ts fresh.

-matt

From Ace Venture: pet detective

Ace: (looking in car mirror) WARNING! A**holes are closer than they appear

From Badder Santa

(Santa leaving the mall)
Officer: "Your pants are looking pretty baggy there, whatcha got in them?"
Santa: "My D*ck, wanna see?"

not sure if the badder one is exact but ya know what i mean :)

Also from "Two Weeks Notice"
Goerge: "Here is a tissue... you may blow."

From "Two Weeks Notice"

Lucy, frustrated: You are the most selfish person in the world!
George, calm: Well, that´s just silly. Have you met everybody in the world?

(A Fish Called Wanda)

[Otto dangles Archie out a window]


Archie : All right, all right, I apologize.

Otto : You're really sorry?

Archie : I'm really really sorry, I apologize unreservedly.

Otto : You take it back?

Archie : I do, I offer a complete and utter retraction. The imputation was totally
without basis in fact, and was in no way fair comment, and was motivated purely by
malice, and I deeply regret any distress that my comments may have caused you, or your family, and I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future.

Otto : OK.

approximately...


Why do you need so much money?

I'm going deep, deep, deep, ...DEEP, undercover!

Beverly Hills Cop

From "Forget Paris"

Billy´s character: You lost my father?
Airport employee: Oui.

(Beverly Hills Cop)

Axle Foley: "You're not going to fall for the banana in the tailpipe?" :D

"who are those guys!?!?"

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

Steve Martin-"The Jerk"

I know we've only known each other for 4 weeks and 3 days, but to me.....it seems like 9 weeks and 5 days. The first day, it seemed like a week. And the second day...seemed like 5 days. And the third day seemed like a week again....and the fourth day...seemed like 8 days and the fifth day...you went to see your mother...and that seemed just like a day. But then you came back and then later, on the sixth day in the evening when we saw each other, that started seeming...like 2 days, so in the evening it seemed like 2 days spilling over into the next day, and that started seeming like 4 days. So at the end of the sixth day, on into the seventh day it seemed like a total of 5 days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half.

Another one involving Steve Martin wasn't exactly a line, but it was inspirational acting. Half of his body is disagreeing with the other half and he's trying to walk or run down the street and all this stuff keeps happening to him and he's trying to keep it together and I cant imagine how he could keep a straight face.

Onijay,

"All of Me," Steve Martin and Lily Tomlin. Funny movie; one of Martin's best.

John

Yes! Thats the one! I have to go rent that one now that I finally know the name (although to be honest I was kinda lazy about it, all I would really have to do is go search his bibliography, but thats why we have John, a living IMDB, thanks John)!

Godfather

"Leave the gun, take the conolli."

Along Came Polly: It's not so much the line, even though it's funny, but the character who speaks it, played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman, who is absolutely hilarious in this movie....

"I just sharted."

I was thinking about "Family Guy" the other night, and this convo kept coming to me:

In one of Peter's flashbacks at a dinosaur museum:

Young Peter: "Why did the dinosaurs become extinct?"

Tour Guide: "Because you touch yourself at night."

Young Peter: "........"

(Saving Private Ryan)

Captain John Miller: "The Statue of Liberty is kaput... that's disconcerting"

The Simpsons. An absolute classic. Gotta win.

Bart, at the teahcers' talent show, "I didn' think it was physically possible, but this sucks AND blows."