Digital Joe #11

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And today, we have a little bit of cross-promotion. Based on the hit count for the last couple of week´s, a good portion of you have figured out that in addition to this humble column, I also do a movie review a week. I´ve tried to find some high profile releases like "Mission Impossible III" and some more obscure flicks like "The Secret of the Sword". One week has vexed me since I took on this responsibility: May 19.

Some of you are going to say that "The DaVinci Code" is coming out and that should be the review. And, if this was a democracy, I´d say you were absolutely right. But, as we all know, we don´t live in a democracy. Because of that little fact, I wanted to take a couple minutes to let everyone know why I won´t be seeing "DaVinci" this weekend.

It has nothing to do with the personnel behind the movie (Tom Hanks, Ron Howard) or the outcry from all corners of the world. (If you haven´t read any of those highly amusing complaints from religious folk, go take a look. You can´t miss them.) It´s not even the fact there is something else I´d rather see. There isn´t.

It all comes down to objectivity. As a critic, I have to look at a film objectively, point out plot flaws, praise when needed and let everyone reading know if the experience is worth the $6.50…or whatever it is you pay for a ticket. I can´t let my personal feelings get in the way of that. With a subject like religion, I don´t trust myself not to get on top of my soapbox and turn a movie review into a pulpit.

I know the best writers can put their emotions aside to get the job done. I am fully willing to accept I am not one of those "best" writers. In fact, I know I´m not. It would be wrong to watch "DaVinci" and pretend I could do the movie the service it deserves. In my mind, of a viewer goes in with a preconceived notion of what a movie is going to be or should be, they are ultimately going to be disappointed with the result. Need proof? Check out the lukewarm response to the three "Star Wars" prequels.

(For the record, I did see "The Passion of the Christ" last year in the theater, so this is not a slam on religious movies as a whole.)

It may go back to a review of the two-disc set of "The Greatest Story Ever Told" I did a couple years ago. After slogging through the entire movie, all the extras and putting together a review of a feature I didn´t care for in the slightest, I was lambasted by more than one reader because, apparently, I "didn´t understand the movie."

I´m sorry, it´s pretty hard to take any movie with John Wayne playing a contemporary of Jesus seriously. I asked, and never got an answer, what was there to understand? Without going any further into my religious beliefs, I told myself then and there I would never review another religious movie as long as I could help it.

It´s not that I don´t want a confrontation with someone over something I say. Rather, the complete opposite. Discussion and debate allows everyone involved to learn why somebody believes differently than they do. Those are vital to a worked and functional society. I, however, have no interest in being part of that debate.

Okay, so now you´re saying I don´t care about society and that I´m willingly sitting out what (perhaps) could be a very important discussion. Nope, not on your life. I just don´t think arguing about whether Jesus had a wife and/or children (oops, did I just ruin the movie for everyone?) is going to bring people to an enlightened plateau of understanding. What is it going to prove? Is it going to change the reasoning for war or solve hunger? Will is cure a disease? Will is stop the hate running rampant in the world?

Hardly. If it does, I will gladly eat crow. As with most adversarial relationships, this bru-ha-ha is going to be, ultimately, much ado about nothing. This is a piece of entertainment adapted from another piece of entertainment (a book) based on, I presume, another book. The people protesting and banning "DaVinci" are fueling the fire for people to see it. The inquisitive want to know what the big deal is all about. It´s going to open to a pretty sizeable box office and will, most likely, be a summer success story when word of mouth gets around that it´s not blasphemous to rational people.

Every day that another person in "power" comes out against this movie makes me laugh. Not because their actual arguments are funny (but they are), but because they are, unwittingly, giving untold sums in free advertising to a movie they don´t want people to watch. The more everyone pontificates about how "The DaVinci Code" will bring down civilization, the more the masses are going to be interested in seeing it, if only for the curiosity factor. That connection has been true since the world began.

Tell people they can´t or shouldn´t do something and it will make them want to do it even more. Remember when your parents explicitly told you not to watch that R-rated movie on your grandparent´s HBO? Remember how their instance you didn´t watch it made you want to see it all the more? And then, in the end, when you did see it, you couldn´t understand what the big deal was about? Same thing here.

(Sidenote: I am in no way in favor of banning this movie or any other form of entertainment. It´s called free speech and everyone has a right to see-or not see-what they choose. Outside of XXX porn airing on NBC at 10 pm, there are very forms of media, in my mind, that should be banned.)

If you think the storm over this movie is bad now, just wait until the thing is released on DVD later in the year. I´m fully expecting someone to shout from the rooftops that Tom Hanks is trying to further some kind of idea about the glory of a godless world. God, did I just give someone an idea?

So here´s my question to all of you: if you do go see "DaVinci" this weekend, what did you think of it? Really (and this might be breaking some kind of unwritten critic code), but I place more stock in what my contemporaries say about a movie than the opinion of a professional critic more than twice my age (which would be 54, if anyone´s keeping track).

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