Digital Joe #20

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I have a problem.

I´ve been looking critically at DVD´s for mass consumption review purposes for quite a few years now. If you want to be terribly specific, it has been seven years since my first official review hit the ´net. I still remember that first one very well; it was a critique of Ray Liotta´s "Inferno". I didn´t ask to be thrown in the deep end of the reviewing pool, it just kind of happened.

One thing led to another and, lo and behold, before I knew it, I had hit over 110 reviews for two different websites. Then, I decided to take some time off. Frankly, it had burned me out. I never stopped loving movies and those shiny little discs we all hold so dear. No, I had grown weary of watching movies with an eye to the video and audio (well, maybe an ear to the audio) as well as the movie itself. I got tired of wading through mountains of meaningless extras, most of which included ass-kissing interviews with most of the cast and crew.

As much as I wanted to hear about the significance of the color red and the word "closer" in "American Beauty", I was happy not to have to watch movies two or three times—one for the movie and then another time for each of the commentary tracks. To be fair, I was able to pick and choose what movies I did and did not want to review. (For the record, I didn´t choose "Confessions of Sorority Girls"…the only movie to ever get a zero rating from me.)

I was known in my college dorm as "the movie guy". When a box of movies came to the front desk for me, I was obligated to open it, displaying what my new acquisitions for everyone who was around. It made me a sort-of celebrity. On any given night, you could walk past my room and hear some sort of movie being played inside, the soundtrack being pumped through what I laughingly (at the time) called a stereo.

Pen and notebook in hand, armed with three different remote controls and a tall glass of cold water, I´d hunker down and start the review process. Were there any story holes? How was the video presentation? Should the soundtrack have been in 5.1 Dolby Digital, DTS or mono? Keeping all the details straight, especially in the very early going, was trying for me. I grew into the role of reviewer and columnist. There weren´t any movies or topics I shied away from. After all, nobody ever got ahead by playing it safe. (Isn´t that what Commander Shelby told Commander Riker in "The Best of Both Worlds"?)

I didn´t know how to step backwards with all the movie writing I was doing. There wasn´t a whole lot else in my life at the time, besides work, so I latched onto the writing. When my first gig expired, I jumped to another site and wrote up a couple reviews there. But even at that point, I knew I was getting tired. So instead of forcing a half assed review, I took time off.

Quite a long time, actually. Until I ended up here. I never stopped watching movies or reviewing them (my blog can attest to that). I even tried a "30 movies in 30 days" marathon at one point a few years ago. It fizzled around day 15. Since I started looking critically at movies and discs, I haven´t been able to stop. That´s the problem.

See, there are times when I just want to enjoy a movie for what it is. I knew we already had a review of "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man´s Chest" posted before I went to see it with my usual movie group. I knew there was no need for me to have my "reviewer" hat on. Instead, this was my chance to be a regular viewer, just like everyone else.

I found it excruciatingly hard to not nit-pick every little thing that happened on the screen. I couldn´t help but groan out loud at some of the worst CGI/blue screen work I´ve ever seen near the end of the film. I couldn´t help but be critical of the fact this movie was all set up for the third. I actively tried to notice subtle differences between the actors and their stunt doubles.

None of this was necessary.

Not too long ago, I watched "The Children´s Hour" with Shirley MacLaine and Audrey Hepburn. Despite the fact I was wrapped up in the movie the entire time, my mind couldn´t help but be diverted into thinking about things like the strength of the two women´s characters, the heartache everyone involved must have gone through, what the grandmother must have felt like knowing her granddaughter was the instigator of the entire incident and what these people learned, if anything.

Hell, I noticed two things peculiar about the movie (at least to me): the way the ultimate suicide was shown on screen and that the actual allegation against the women-that they were lesbians-was uttered once.

I even thought about the cultural implications of both those things. What did this movie say about being gay or lesbian? That the ultimate ending for these orientations was to die? What did that say to the homosexual members of the audience in the movie´s day? How did the storyline impact everyone else´s idea of gay or lesbian people?

I couldn´t just enjoy the film. My mind had to start thinking about it in all different ways. Now, the hallmark of a great film is that you think about it long after the final credits roll. But, just once, I´d like to watch a movie and not pick it to death. I was even hypercritical of such dreck as "Resident Evil" and its ill-conceived sequel. I am dreading watching the ultimate popcorn movie ("Doom") which now sits on my TV in a fancy red Netflix envelope.

I need help: I can´t simply enjoy movies anymore.

Help me, General Kenobi, you´re my only hope.

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