Digital Joe #41

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I´m convinced it´s something in my personality.

What other explanation is there? My collection of "collectible" Slurpee cups; the dozens of "Star Wars" and "Star Trek" figures (and variants!) sitting in the closet; two-disc special limited editions of movies I´ll probably never get around to watching; my now-dismantled collection of "Star Trek"-covered TV Guide magazines. I am a collector.

Why have the standard two-disc edition of "Batman Begins" on the shelf when I can get my hands on the two-disc Deluxe Limited Edition with comic? Why continuously search for the two-disc "United 93," a movie I don´t want to see ever again? Why do I feel left out if I don´t have all the store exclusives available for any release?

(You could argue I´m also anal retentive and obsessive compulsive, but I think "collector" sounds better.)

I don´t like anything being incomplete or feeling like I missed something. Anytime I add a new podcast to my iTunes subscriptions, I have to fight the urge to listen to all the previous episodes. My parents tell a story about me as a young child. They had put me in my crib at my normal bedtime only to have me stand up, banging on the bars, for the following three hours. Apparently, I didn´t want to miss anything.

In a lot of ways, I´m still like that. I read as much as I can, talk to anyone who will engage me, listen to other´s opinions…and watch as much as possible. Now realize I also work a normal work week and have a series of other hobbies and obligations to attend to. Bedtime usually doesn´t come around until I can´t keep my eyes open anymore.

With this backdrop, imagine my sheer horror when I put in the documentary "Fabulous! The Story of Queer Cinema" over the weekend…only to have a relentless barrage of movies I haven´t seen-or heard of-flying at me from every direction. Movies I should see because of their cultural significance or movies that just sound plain interesting.

The same phenomenon happens when I hit start on any podcast. I gave up keeping track of the movies I should get my hands on when the list became wholly unmanageable. Sometime around last November, the list never shrinking got me depressed. Here I was ingesting as many films as I could and yet there were always more on the horizon.

Finally, I came to a realization: there is always going to be more out there in every aspect of life than I can ever get to. More baseball games to watch, more cities to visit, more stories to enjoy, more new food to cook, more situations to experience. It´s neverending. And in the haste to get to "the end," I was missing out of the subtle nuances and the fine things in life: not rushing around the minute I got out of work trying to save the world and expecting too much of myself.

It´s something we all invariably do. We build expectations for our abilities up to such an extent we can´t possibly achieve half of what we set out to do. It´s like that scene early in "National Lampoon´s Christmas Vacation" when Clark asks Ellen when he´s ever held family events to abnormal heights. She responds with holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, graduations…you get the idea. It isn´t until later in the film, when Clark re-watches video of Christmas past, does he realize it´s time to slow down.

There is no way I´m ever going to watch every movie I "should" or have a complete collection of anything. At the end of the day, it´s quite useless, actually, to collect and horde items we can´t take with us when we die. Those things don´t keep us warm at night when the wind howls outside. They can´t engage us by telling a story over a holiday meal or kiss us when we´re injured. Those things are just that: things.

Film is a fantastic experience, but it isn´t the be all and end all of life. So what if I´ve only gotten through ten movies so far this month? My TiVO isn´t going to delete them and my DVD´s aren´t going to disappear off the shelf. It´s the people we should start making time for, not the things. I know that´s tough in our capitalistic society; we´re taught a person´s wealth is defined by their possessions as opposed to the love and goodwill around them.

Now, if you´ll excuse me, I have eight new podcasts downloading and five new magazines sitting on the counter.

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