Theatrical Review of Bug

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Ashley Judd starring in a horror movie directed by "Exorcist" wizard William Friedkin. What can possibly go wrong with that premise? More than you can possibly want to know. Not only is "Bug" the worst movie to grace our multiplex screens this year (yes, "Pathfinder" and "Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon" can move over), it is entirely possible it is the worst movie of the last five years (even worse than last year´s snore-inducing remake of "All the King´s Men").

Ashley Judd plays Agnes, a woman living in a motel and working in a seedy bar. Her ex-something (we never really know is it´s a boyfriend or husband) is getting out of jail and, according to Agnes, has been calling her and not saying a word. A co-worker, waitress RC (Lynn Collins), brings a quiet stranger over for drinks and he ends up staying the night on her couch. Later, he confides in her he escaped from a military hospital where the government was running tests on him. And just to spice up the drama quotient, Jerry (Harry Connick, Jr.) the ex, shows up, abusing and threatening both Agnes and Peter (Michael Shannon). Then, there are the bugs…

Okay, with that formality out of the way, "Bug" reminds me of last year´s "The Break-Up" (no, that "romantic comedy" was a thousand times better). If you remember that film, Universal promoted it as being funny and a, well, romantic comedy. The actual premise of the film couldn´t have been farther from the truth. Here, LionsGate has been heralding the "return" of Friedkin, giving the audience the impression this is a horror film. It´s not. It´s two people stuck in one room for 102 minutes, talking, yelling, having sex, talking some more, being paranoid, spinning wild stories…if you´ll notice, all these people do is talk.

That in itself isn´t a bad thing, but when it takes your film an eternity to lurch into the plot, you know you´re doing something wrong. At least the first half-I lost count of the seconds ticking off my life as the film rolled-of the film is devoted to establishing the relationships between the characters: Jerry and Agnes losing their son; Agnes and Peter "falling" for each other; Jerry becoming violent toward Agnes and Peter. And the second part takes place in an aluminum foil-plated room bathed in the blue fluorescent light of a half dozen bug zappers.

We´re willing to go along with the character development of the first half because, frankly, this if Friedkin. How long did it take for "The Exorcist" (the scariest film in history, at least in my book) to get to the promised scares? Maybe that´s why I´m so negative on "Bug." From a filmmaking perspective, it is beyond reproach. One of the hardest things in the industry is to confine yourself to a few enclosed sets with two or three actors. Friedkin does this. It´s not the directing which is the let down.

"Bug" isn´t as advertised. Yes, there are a couple gross out scenes, though they come in the latter stanzas of the film. By and large, though, it is incomprehensible, nonsensical garbage filled with conjecture and supposition. According to Peter, he was bitten by a bug following a night of sex with Agnes. So they tear apart the bed, searching for bugs so tiny, Agnes can´t see them. Until Peter convinces her they are there. From there, he spins a delusional yarn about government experiments and spouts entirely too much knowledge about the creatures.

We´re always waiting for the horror side of the film to kick in, but the script is hell bent on fitting into the black comedy genre. Which is fine, is the content was in the least bit humorous-or darkly funny, whichever you prefer. Whatever comedy was in the original play is lost here, as Agnes is a walking train wreck before our very eyes and Peter gives off a "don´t come near me" vibe. Friedkin has insisted this isn´t a horror film; I wish someone would have included that sound bite in the trailers.

If I can piece together the "logic" spouted near the end by the two: the government let him escape to see how the experiment would end; they also let Jerry out of jail to keep tabs on both Agnes and Peter; they ALSO forced through custody for RC´s lesbian partner´s kid in order to have RC introduce Peter and Agnes; they took Lloyd (Agnes and Jerry´s son) to have something to blackmail her with…oh hell, forget it. This theory is shouted at the top of Judd´s lungs in what mercifully passes for the climax. If you can keep track of everything the government allegedly does in this film, more power to you. Suffice to say Peter is a drone, he finds Agnes his queen and they´re supposed to create a swarm of wonderful little bugs. Why? How the hell should I know? The script doesn´t even know.

I never thought I´d say this, but it is entirely in the realm of possibility Ashley Judd will be recognized with some sort of acting nomination in this award season. She is the only thing that remotely keeps "Bug" afloat. The actress has become more than the stock tough female character we saw in her various detective/murder films ("Double Jeopardy" and "Eye of the Beholder"): she lets herself inhabit Agnes completely. We can see it in her eyes through the entire film, withered and tired, afraid and independent. And really only Judd could pull off the laughably awful finale, spitting gas out of her mouth and proclaiming who she has turned into.

The worst part of this entire exercise is we´re never even sure what the hell is going on. Not once does anyone with any credibility come onto the screen and tell the truth. A government "doctor" does show up late in the film, though his assertions carry the weight of a gnat. Do we believe he really is a doc and exists or is he a figment of both Agnes and Peter´s imaginations? Is it a government conspiracy or do the bugs actually exist? The most definite proof we can hope to see is to look through Peter´s microscope at blood samples. To keep us off balance, we never do see what´s inside the samples, only shots of what could be on the slides.

"Bug" is a horrible mess of a movie that neither delivers on its director´s pedigree nor on the trailers. For those reasons and a whole host more already outlined, it rates a 3 on the scale of 1 to 10. The film is only marginally redeemed by Ashley Judd. Avoid at all costs.

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