Theatrical Review of Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

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Halfway through "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer," Johnny Storm (Chris Evans) tells Ben Grimm (Michael Chiklis), "I´m not a deep kind of guy." The Human Torch is talking about himself, but he might as well be describing the movie.

Somewhere in the great cosmos of the galaxy, an entire world is being destroyed. Just seconds beforehand, a streak leaves the planet on the way to Earth. On Earth, Reed Richards aka Mr. Fantastic (Ioan Gruffudd) and Sue Storm aka The Invisible Woman (Jessica Alba) are attempting to get married for the fourth time; their previous tries were met with disasters the Fantastic Four needed to deal with. This time, though, that streak runs amok in New York City. Soon thereafter, the heroes are recruited by General Hager (Andre Braugher) to stop what has been dubbed the Silver Surfer.

If the X-Men and Batman movies are comic book films at their darkest and most message-driven, the two Fantastic Four films are pure popcorn flicks, setting out to entertain and wow for 90 minutes (or, in this case, 92). Any film with that mission is bound to be ridiculed by the press and some audiences. But "Rise of the Silver Surfer" delivers on its promise of an unpretentious comic book movie. There is a requisite threat, nifty special effects and a great deal of humor. Underneath that veneer, as Johnny says, the movie isn´t very deep.

And that´s just fine.

The original "Fantastic Four" film and its sequel have a lot in common, actually Both are a lean hour and a half, while other superhero flicks have clocked in at 128 minutes ("Spider-Man 2") and 154 minutes ("Superman Returns"), for example. This both hinders and helps the film, remarkably. With an elongated run time, director Tim Story would have felt obligated to include more action sequences or the dreaded dialogue which passes for character development in this series. As is, he´s barely able to get into the story and resolve it before the credits roll.

In that respect, the movie fails miserably. For a planet devouring villain like Galactus, the audience expects scope, grandeur and dread. Instead, the events on screen are a low rent version of the source material. Even the final battle looks like it was shot on a television budget, with the crew needing to cut effects shots or extras. The problem manifests itself earlier, though, with the group battling Hager instead of their true threat.

For some reason we´re not told in the film, Hager busts Reed´s balls every chance he gets. Considering this is a man who can stretch his body and the powers of the other three, you would think Hager would know who is best suited to battling the Surfer. Hell, the audience knows who should be stopping him from prepping the Earth for Galactus. If the Surfer´s board can absorb one missile, then what the hell good are a half dozen of the things going to do? Unremarkably to us (though shocking to the general), he evades all of them.

Hager dictates everything to the FF, so much so he brings their nemesis Victor Von Doom (Julian McMahon) in to help. Why? Because McMahon has a contract for three movies and he´d be paid whether or not he appeared? I don´t know; his appearance has zero impact on the story other than to bring in a familiar face from the original. Between these fiasco´s and too many others to recount, the inevitable moment of satisfaction isn´t sorrow for Hager; it´s relief the blowhard is finally off the screen.

Was this intended as a shot at the military´s-and government´s-bravado? That they can handle anything, no matter how far out of their league they are? If so, it´s a 2 x 4 to the head of the audience. We see the news every night and the political posturing; we don´t need to have it introduced in the film.

Early on, there are several cutaways to Latveria and a person the entire audience knows is Doctor Doom. As if nobody saw the first film or read the comic books, tiny scenes are sprinkled into the first twenty minutes teasing his introduction. First his metal faceplate won´t come off. Then he taps into government computers. He opens his eyes in his coffin. It´s so insulting to the audience that you just want to stand up and tell the story to get on with it. Unveil Doom and move along.

The thing is, you can´t hold a single one of these things against the film. If "Rise of the Silver Surfer" had taken on a more serious, socially conscious tone like "X2: X-Men United," it would not have fit with the first. Everything we get in here-even the inane plot devices-is in step with the first. With all the hyper conscious comic book franchises out there, isn´t it good to have one that doesn´t take itself too seriously?

One of the better decisions in recent Hollywood history has been to sign cast members up for a number of films during negotiations for the first. In essence, it ensures they reprise their roles without lengthy and public renegotiations, usually a plus for the audience. And, in the cases of Evans, Gruffudd and Chiklis (alright, McMahon too, though he has what must be a grand total of ten minutes screen time), it´s a definite positive. But Alba, as dreadful as she was in the first, is even worse in this one. She looks and sounds like she´s in over her head, as if the words coming out of her mouth are nothing more than memorized lines which don´t mean anything to her. When she puts on her glasses and pretends to be a scientist, it´s the most laughable portrayal of that profession since Denise Richards in "The World is Not Enough." There´s no understanding in her eyes, no emotion in her voice and only one expression on her face. Maybe a recasting in this role would be a good idea. (Angelina Jolie, anybody?)

All I´ve talked about so far are the negative aspects of the film. In reality, as I also stated in the beginning, the movie does what it sets out to do: it entertains. Plot problems be damned and bad acting not withstanding, "Rise of the Silver Surfer" is the very definition of a summer film: light, breezy, fun to look at. The effects-especially in the climax-are a step up from the previous film, most likely attributed to advances in technology and the lessons learned in the first go around. Of particular standout is the Silver Surfer himself, body by Doug Jones and voiced by Laurence Fishburne. Clearly a reworking of the T-1000 metal Terminator from "Terminator 2," the Surfer´s body shows a reflection of everything around him from light to people and colors. It´s an awesome achievement.

As much as I derided Alba´s acting (or lack thereof), I need to point out the interplay between Evans and Chiklis. One gets the feeling of watching two old friends playfully jabbing one another, only captured on film. When Johnny hints what he would do with Ben´s girlfriend Alicia, Ben becomes furious, despite knowing-I think-the Torch is only kidding. And when they have a quiet moment in a bar, the need to be with someone for both of them resonates with the audience. It´s one of the most real moments in the entire film.

I´d be remiss if I didn´t mention the obligatory cameo by Stan Lee. In every Marvel film, his role has become bigger and bigger. Here, he even asks if a wedding usher knows who he is. He´s Stan Lee, of course. And the usher doesn´t care. Lee is clearly in M. Night Shyamalan territory here; he needs to be toned down next time out. And lastly, I dare you to count the companies vying for product placement. The most egregious is Dodge with the Fantasticar. Pathetic, really.

So we come down to he inevitable rating. "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" isn´t high art, nor does it pretend to be something it clearly can´t be. It´s a summer comic book movie, nothing more and certainly nothing less. Light as a cream puff and just as non-filling and unmemorable, it gets a 6, mostly for the technical specs and the sheer entertainment factor. This is the very definition of a "brain on hold" film. It´s clobberin´ time indeed.

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