Theatrical Review of Four Christmases

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There are not enough adjectives to describe the vile, mean-spirited, obnoxious, stereotypical Christmas "comedy" "Four Christmases." To think so many A-list stars are attached to this project is laughable. Starting with leading couple Reese Witherspoon and Vince Vaughn, there´s Sissy Spacek, Robert Duvall, Jon Voight, Jon Favreau, Mary Steenburgen, Dwight Yoakam, Tim McGraw and Kristin Chenoweth…all taking part in a movie from the guy who directed last year´s documentary sensation "The King of Kong" and four different writers with a grand total of five writing credits between them.

When their annual Christmas trip is canceled due to fog, Brad and Kate (Vaughn and Witherspoon) are forced to visit all their divorced parents on Christmas, thanks to a television crew who has outed their holiday plans. You see, they have told their parents they take part in humanitarian operations throughout the world every year, thereby ducking familial responsibility. So when the two are forced to confront their relations, a decidedly un-merry Christmas is in store.

It occurs to me that, as the years go by, holiday movies become less and less good spirited and more and more evil. The thing that makes "National Lampoon´s Christmas Vacation" the best Christmas comedy of all time isn´t the hair-brained zaniness Clark got himself into. Nor is it a group of eccentric family members. It is watching Clark do his very best to make the holiday everything it should be for the people around him. The comedy is organic to his bumbling character. "Four Christmases" missed that memo, opting to create stereotypical caricatures of every single character in the film to create the comedy. As each family visit gets progressively more embarrassing (for the audience, not Brad and Kate), all we really long for is a good, old-fashioned squirrel attack.

The two leads typify everything the elder generation thinks is wrong with successful 30-somethings. They have no desire to have responsibility to anything or anyone outside of themselves. There is no sense of obligation to suck up the idea of being part of an "out there" family. Lying is the norm, as are extravagant gifts designed to buy love and respect. Even in the opening scene, where "Kurt" tries to pick "Daphne" up in a bar, their excessive hubris shines through. If this is the type of role play which gets these two people off, fine. But it´s not funny; it just shows how shallow they really are.

"Four Christmases" only goes downhill from there. The first stop is the airport, where the couple has made plans to spend the holiday in Fiji. These two yahoos don´t dress as ordinary people, low key and respectable. Nope. They parade around San Francisco Internal Airport in gaudy heels, a slinky dress and sombrero. Basically, they stick out like a sore thumb. As Brad´s dim-witted father and brothers enter the picture…and his mother, shacking up with his childhood friend…and Kate´s preacher-loving mother...we can´t help but ask just how bad this movie is apt to get.

See, the introduction of each successive family member is cringe-worthy because there is no family in the world with as many low-hanging nuts as there are here. It simply can´t be possible. And even if it is, for the sake of argument, what is the point in making Howard (Duvall), Paula (Spacek), Marilyn (Steenburgen) and the rest outlandish cartoon characters? What possesses Marilyn to volunteer Kate to partake in Pastor Phil´s (Yoakam) nativity play? Why does the streaking of a child in Howard´s house result in nothing more than a smirk and laugh from every available adult? This isn´t funny; it´s insulting.

It´s even insulting for Bad and Kate. After three years of living together, they haven´t once spoken about having children or getting married? Brad hasn´t volunteered information about his real name and Kate never came face-to-face with an inflatable children´s play toy? At no point did either one mention their mentally challenged families, preparing the other for the day they may meet? And what about out and out lying on the most family oriented of holidays? Oh, it´s just good fun to the movie, reality be damned.

Believe it or not, there is an actual, honest to goodness reality-based message buried within all the claptrap and bogus humor. Families tend to bring out the worst in a relationship; we can all agree on that. They exacerbate existing rifts between a couple, creating a level of stress not seen under the most dire of circumstances. "Four Christmases" gets to that point a couple times, but never bothers to explore it because there is another comic goldmine right around the corner in the form of an overly sexual mother and a terribly embarrassing game of Taboo, for example.

No one comes off as more lost in the movie than Witherspoon. Her usual perky, contagious happiness is thrown to the side and it´s as if she doesn´t know what to do or be. Vaughn comes off slightly better, though it´s impossible to see how he attracts any women…or how his inner scrotum (thank you, Dan Savage) comes to dominate his life.

"Four Christmases" wants to be a story about people coming together during the holiday season to overcome differences. It has no hope of achieving that goal, thanks to a feeble minded script designed to move the audience in and out of comedy as fast as it can without developing the story proper. A plethora of talent is sadly wasted on an idiotic script. Stick with the clan Griswold or little Ralphie in "A Christmas Story" for holiday entertainment. Consider a 3 out of 10 a gift.

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