Theatrical Review of Halloween

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Remaking a movie which has already spawned seven sequels is a daunting task. It´s akin to seeing an NBA logo which isn´t Jerry West. The colors are the same, the idea is there but something is different. It doesn´t feel quite right. In the case of Rob Zombie´s remake of John Carpenter´s "Halloween," the characters exist in the universe and the situation is familiar; the artistry and the magic of the original film is lost in a veritable orgy of blood and profanity.

Oh yeah, and a William Shatner mask.

As a young child, Michael Myers is doted on by a loving mother despite the rest of his world falling around him. He´s harassed at school with pictures of the only person he admires in the world (his mother, who is an exotic dancer); Mom´s live-in lover, Ronny, demeans Michael at every turn; he´s stood up on Halloween by his sister so she can spend "quality" time with her boyfriend. Something inside him snaps, prompting the first of many killings. Many years later, as in the first film, he returns to Haddonfield, Illinois, to pursue the only living member of his family . . . little sister Laurie.

The problem with horror films lately is they´re all trying to out-blood each other. The original "Halloween" was more psychological terror than gore terror for one simple reason: director John Carpenter didn´t have the money for elaborate blood effects. He was forced, like Steven Spielberg in "Jaws," to focus on the people inhabiting the movie universe instead of the killing. Yes, death is an important part to these types of movie, but there´s something . . . familiar about the specter of the Grim Reaper today.

At first, it appears Zombie is going to delve into the psychology of Michael by showing us the future killer as a kid. What made this child into the adult we all know he will be? That is the more interesting story instead of a rehash of the original. We´re meant to believe Michael has deep mental problems beyond what we see on the screen. Over and above killing a rat in his bedroom, he´s allegedly also murdered other animals which somehow shocks the crap out of his mother.

The whole idea of a movie remake is to portray something different, another aspect of the story, as here . . . showing the origin of Michael Myers and where the entire serial killer gene started. As it is, we´re dumped into the middle of the story after any formative behaviors have been etched into Michael´s consciousness. And Zombie, honestly, isn´t terribly concerned with a story. He´s more than content to condense most of the original film, add Michael´s backstory and show gratuitous amounts of blood and nudity.

And that´s the rub with "Halloween," the 2007 version. It has no soul, no characters, no reasoning. Nothing. Every human character is nothing more than a placeholder-a body to be slashed, shot, cut, strangled or disemboweled-for a scene of death. The first four or five killings are chilling because Michael is a child. The rest? They get very old very quickly. In some instances, it´s just the stupidity of the people around him that kills (no pun intended) their death scenes.

Another, less deadly issue with the film is we never empathize with the characters. We don´t care about any of them, let alone the heroine (Laurie, no spoiler there), who´s introduced far too late in the film to engender anything but an eye roll from the audience. Why does Michael come after her? Because she´s the last living member of his family? Because she´s the only "pure" and "untainted" person he knows? Because he´s an old softie? The script doesn´t care to answer that question. I guess, then, neither should we.

Getting back to the (over)abundance of death for a minute. There´s just too many. Period. Every human body introduced on screen is nothing but cannon fodder. Zombie seems to know this, not developing any character to any extent. In fact, characters are dropped wholesale from the story when the script gets tired of them. The sheriff? Taking care of his bleeding daughter, I guess. Not that it´s important. I didn´t count the people who died, but I have to think "Halloween" rivals any other mainstream horror film in these terms. The count is at last sixteen, each with blood spurting out of their bodies.

Apart from a nearly sickening reliance on close-ups through most of the film, Zombie´s direction rarely calls attention to itself. In fact, the only time it´s out of place is a canted shot of Michael exiting the mental institute. As with most of the rest of the movie, it just feels wrong.

There´s a similar disconnect in the script itself. Long stretches of time pass between any sort of action, especially considering Zombie doesn´t exactly take the subtle approach to storytelling. Frankly, near the end, the audience is silently hoping something happens to differentiate this entry from Carpenter´s. When viewers openly laugh at the supposed dramatic highpoints of the film ("it´s me . . . Samuel" comes to mind), something is seriously amiss.

Despite all my critical issues with the film, I find myself coming back to one indisputable fact: I marginally enjoyed the film. Horrible acting (Scout Taylor-Compton as Laurie is a train wreck) and a second half with serves as nothing more than Cliffs Notes for the original-and vastly superior-film ruin the experience of this remaining.

"Halloween" rates 4 out of 10. It´s bloody, it´s profane, it´s sexual . . . it´s nearly mind-numbing in its desire to do nothing of importance except show sequences of (you guessed it) blood, swearing and sex. It does a disservice to the original just by cribbing the name.

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