Theatrical Review of Paul Blart: Mall Cop

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The beauty of writing a theatrical review is that unless you're Roger Ebert with your own private gynormous home movie theater, you have to rub shoulders with folks standing in the greasy fake-butter popcorn line and you don't have to guess who the intended audience is for a film. All you have to do is look around, and the audience for "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" was mostly 'tweens and teens in their Friday night packs, along with a smattering of younger couples. What was my excuse? I was chaperoning four eleven year old boys, who unanimously shouted afterwards that the film rated an 11 out of 10. "Did you see when . . ." "I liked the part . . ." "Wasn't it funny when . . ." "Oh my God!"

I guess. But as you've already supposed, I'm wasn't as enthusiastic about the film as my son and his friends, or even the rest of the audience, who laughed out loud in considerably more places than I did. I would have rated this a 6 out of 10, because as entertaining as it is, it's SO formulaic and SO predictable. And yes, so familiar too. Call it "Police Academy" meets "Hitch" meets an Extreme Sports film (your choice) meets "Diehard" meets "The Andy Griffith Show," featuring an overweight, hypoglycemic mall security guard as your neighborhood Barney Fife. "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" is in the same mold as the Steve Martin "Pink Panther" films, a blend of comedic styles packaged in a comedy of character that spotlights the talents of a single comedian and pits him against bad guys. But the thing that will appeal to parents is that the film is rated PG, and the humor isn't fart-centered or so dumb and dumber that it's an affront to thinking people everywhere. There's no awful language, and yet the film still feels like it has a little edge to it. A three-pronged plot and the likable Kevin James make this comedic vehicle work. Well, that, and the Segue that Paul Blart rides for most of the film.

Paul Blart (James) flunked out of the police academy multiple times, and not because he's totally inept. As we watch him on the final obstacle course we see a determined man who, despite his weight, still puts in a respectable showing . . . until his blood sugar drops and he passes out just shy of the finish line. So Paul Blart: Hypoglycemic has to perk up with Pixie Stix of pure colored sugar throughout each day, and his constant snacking to self-medicate has led to the weight problem that meaner mall employees tease him about. Ten years have passed since his first failed police test, and now Blart is the only security guard at a New Jersey mall who thinks his job is important. The rest know they're mall cops because they couldn't find any other kind of work, and so Blart's seriousness becomes a running (or Segueing) joke. He's the mall's Barney Fife.

Meanwhile, on the home front, Blart lives with his mom (Shirley Knight) and teenage daughter Maya (Raini Rodriguez), and the looks they flash him tell it all (too obviously): he's pathetic, he's lonely since his overweight immigrant wife took off after he made her doubly legal, and they love him anyway. James co-wrote this with Nick Bakay ("The King of Queens," "'Til Death"), and so it's no surprise when the turn his Segue takes is a romantic one. His family tries to get him to computer date, but there's a new woman working the hair extension kiosk, and Blart develops an instant crush on Amy (Jayma Mays). His attempts to go from unrequited love to first base constitutes one plot prong. The other involves a new guard named Veck Sims (Keir O'Donnell) whom Blart takes under his wing and tries to teach, despite eye-rolling that every teen in the audience can identify with. The third prong develops when a team of Extreme Sports athletes (real X-Games bikers, skateboarders, and athletes) take over a mall, led my none other than Veck. They've taken hostages and Blart finds himself alone in the mall after everyone else was cleared out because he was playing video games in a store he was asked to lock up. Now what? I don't even have to tell you. If we were seeing these plot elements for the first time, I'd probably be raving right about now-especially since the stunts are so radical that you wonder whether they're done with stuntmen, wires, or CGI. And you can't be too hard on a film that blows up a Rainforest Cafe, can you?

As is, "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" is formulaic but decent family entertainment. There's nothing so bad that parents have to cringe (much, yet it doesn't feel as if it were solely aimed at kids. The more people make fun of Blart, the more we tend to mentally hug him and root for the big lug. There's only one scene where he's repulsive, and we're to excuse his behavior because of the effect that alcohol has on him ("I don't drink!"). Yes, it's unlikely that he goes from no skills to MacGyver, but by that point in the movie we're ready to believe almost anything. That's because "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" isn't remotely based in reality. It's just another chance for us to appreciate the talents of Kevin James in a comedic arena that's "big tent." It's also actually a step up for director Steve Carr, who disappointed us with "Dr. Dolittle 2," "Daddy Day Care," and "Are We Done Yet?" "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" has more heart, more believable plot, and better taste in humor. And you have to think that maybe Kevin James had a lot to say about that.

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