Anaconda (Blu-ray)

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It's clear from the outset that producers of this 1997 film were hoping to recapture the magic and runaway success of "Jaws." But "Jaws" was a blockbuster with powerful acting and an iconic monster, and "Anaconda" . . . well, "Anaconda" is just another B-movie creature-feature.

The creature is okay, but there aren't many surprises in the plot. Then again, the genre really hasn't changed all that much since "Creature from the Black Lagoon" (1954). An expedition travels down the Amazon River and we're made aware of a creature before the explorers get a clue. Eventually, there's a clash between the creature and the people, and what passes for plot in the meantime is a lot of chatter aboard the boat and attempts at character reveals and conflicts.

With a film like this or a slasher film, the real sport is to predict who's going to be eaten or killed next. As we watched, our entire family guessed correctly--though to be fair we hadn't anticipated one "incapacitation." Yet, for a thriller this had surprisingly little tension in between the action scenes, despite a feeble attempt at musical cues ala the "Jaws" duh-da duh-da duh-da duh-da riffs. In fact, the biggest surprise from "Anaconda" is that we don't get a scene that's almost obligatory for these kind of thrillers: a wet braless t-shirt or compromising half-nude shot of the female star, in this case Jennifer Lopez, who really doesn't come across as having much charisma in this film. Cube and Wilson are fun, and so is the Brit, but they're all drawn in broad strokes, and none of their performances are worth noting.

That leaves the gorgeous scenery/cinematography and creature special effects, which will enthrall adults and children, respectively. Somewhere in-between lies the performance of Jon Voight, who holds his mouth in a downturned sneer of disdain throughout the film and manufactures an accent that's supposed to be consistent with his Paraguayan character--a poacher who supplies exotic snakes illegally to zoos and collectors. But he plays it a little hammy and so villainous that you wonder why in the world they allow him to come onboard when they pass his stranded boat. There's also little mystery for viewers, because he wears his sneering little heart on his sleeve and his ponytail in Steven Segal style. But I'll say this for Voight. You may forget his character's name (Paul Sarone), but you won't forget Voight's performance. If he had a moustache he'd be twirling it like the villain who tied poor Pauline to the railroad tracks and gleefully waited for the skirt to hit the fan. He really has fun with the film, perhaps more fun than anyone else, including the audience.

The premise is that film director Terri Flores (Lopez) is headed deep into the Amazon jungle with anthropologist Steven Cale (Eric Stolz) on a quest to find a legendary lost tribe that's been isolated from civilization. Flores is making a film about the journey for National Geographic. Accompanying them is the prissy Brit who will narrate the project (Jonathan Hyde), cameraman Danny Rich (Ice Cube), sound man Gary Dixon (Owen Wilson), production assistant Denise Kalberg (Kari Wuhrer), and the captain of the river boat who takes them into forbidden territory (Vincent Castellanos), whose name ("Mateo") bears a striking resemblance to the boat. Not surprisingly, Cube and Wilson are there for comic relief, with the funniest and most memorable line coming from the latter as he comes on to Denise: "Is it just me, or does the jungle make you really, really horny?" Yeah, I'll have to remember that line the next time I'm in the jungle and I'm NOT about to be eaten.

There's an implied history between Mateo and Sarone, but we never really get much in the way of details. Partly that's because Sarone swats away criticism the way he does mosquitoes. When Mateo argues against bringing him onboard because he's a five-whiskey-a-day river rat, Sarone quips, "Five whiskeys? That's breakfast on the river!"