Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (DVD)

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As I write these comments, it's been about seven months since I watched the regular theatrical release of "Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story" and about two hours since I watched the new Unrated Edition. I couldn't tell them apart.

The original version was ninety-two minutes long, and the Unrated version is ninety-two minutes long. That should tell you something. The only differences I thought I noticed were a few substitutions of naughtier, racier words and phrases here and there. And I couldn't even be sure of that. I know the movie made me laugh all over again, so whatever the studio did to it, if anything, couldn't have done it any harm. Still, if you already own the first DVD release, I wouldn't exactly urge you to run out and buy this one as well.

Let me repeat what I said about the movie the first time around. It reminded me of playing dodgeball as a kid. My elementary school in the early fifties had big white circles painted on the asphalt, and some kids would get inside the ring and some kids would stand outside with a ball, and the kids on the outside would try to hit the kids on the inside. There must have been rules, too; I can't recall. But I also remember liking to play the game against a wall; it seemed more intense with only a little bit of lateral movement allowed. Besides, the idea amongst the boys was to hit somebody as hard as possible, and a wall seemed to heighten the action (and the hurt). OK, a guy thing.

Which is the point of this 2004 movie, "Dodgeball," I suppose. It takes an essentially youngsters' game and inflates it to near mythic proportions, with adults behaving like children. The movie may not boast enough ingredients for a long-term comedy classic, but it's got enough laughs in its ninety-odd minutes to justify the time spent on it, which is more than can be said for most recent comedies out of Hollywood.

Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller star as rival gym owners, Vaughn pretty much playing straight man to Stiller's manic-obsessive funnyman. Needless to day, the conflict develops around a dodgeball game, with Vaughn's ragtag team of washouts struggling against Stiller's band of super-jocks. The whole thing is played as a parody of those inspiring, come-from-behind sports movies where you cheer for the losers to overcome all odds--the boxers, runners, football clubs, softball squads, bicycling teams, you name it, who persevere despite their wretched chances and emerge victorious in the end. "Dodgeball" just takes it all to the point of absurdity with a world invitational dodgeball competition, the movie subtitled with appropriate tongue-in-cheek, "A True Underdog Story."

Vaughn is Peter LaFleur, a Mr. Nice-Guy who owns Average Joe's Gym, a run-down little place that caters to a clientele of scruffy misfits unable to pay their bills. Pete doesn't care because they're all like family, and, besides, he feels like he's one of them. Pete's having a good day when his car starts in the morning.

Among Pete's staff and clients are Steve the Pirate (Alan Tudyk), who talks and dresses like Long John Silver; Gordon (Stephen Root), an accountant-type role that seems patterned after the Rick Moranis character in "Ghostbusters"; Justin (Justin Long), a young fellow who may or may not still be in high school and is hopelessly in love with the head cheerleader; and Dwight (Chris Williams) and Owen (Joel Moore), a couple of loyal but not entirely brainy hangers-on.

Across the street is Globo Gym America, a huge, upscale, multimillion-dollar facility run by White Goodman ("Hi, I'm White"), played by Ben Stiller. White is a slimy, egomaniacal, creepy, little, hard-driven, pumped-up jerk who bought the place with his father's money. His slogan: "Here at Globo Gym, we're better than you, and we know it!" ("Just kidding. But not really.") Moreover, White isn't interested in merely owning a chain of fancy gyms, he wants Pete's place, too; he says he needs the space for a parking lot, but he really hates any kind of threat to his business or his ego, even one as lopsided as this. "Your gym is a skid mark on the underpants of society," White tells Pete.

Pete owes $50,000 in back rent, and if he doesn't pay up, the bank will foreclose and White will buy him out. The beautiful young bank lawyer who presents the bad news to Pete is Kate Veatch (Christine Taylor), a lady we can see in a minute will soon become the romantic interest in the story.

So, where does the game of dodgeball come in? Gordon just happens to be an avid reader of "Obscure Sports Quarterly" (midget tossing, things like that) and notices there's a dodgeball tournament with a first prize of...you guessed it...$50,000. The little band from Average Joe's decides to enter the Las Vegas International Dodgeball Open, at which point White determines to field a team as well. Only White's team is made up of guys named Blade, Lazer, Blazer, and Me'Shell, all buffed, six-foot athletes; plus their ringer, Fran Stalinovskovichdaviddivichski, a Romanovian dodgeball champion and "the deadliest woman on earth with a dodgeball."

I mean, what's a little team to do against those odds? Well, hire the greatest dodgeball player of all time as their coach, that's what. Never mind that he's now about 800 hundred years old and in a wheelchair. He's the illustrious Patches O'Houlihan, performed with his usual vigor by actor Rip Torn. "If you're going to be true dodgeballers," he yells at his men, "then you've got to learn the five D's of dodgeball: Dodge, duck, dip, dive, and...dodge."

Stiller's sniveling little imbecile is a good foil for Vaughn's laid-back slacker. When White suggests to Kate that they should "mate, er, date" sometime, Kate throws up in her mouth, "just a little bit," she tells him. "Hey, you know," responds White, "in some cultures they only eat vomit."