Grounded in strong metaphysical convictions, deep existential philosophy, uncompromising moral values, and women in flimsy, white negligees.
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It's finally here!
The movie that started it all, the one that everybody has been waiting for longer than Christmas. It's "Star Wards: A New Hype," episode twenty-three in the celebrated sci-fi/fantasy docudrama action-adventure romantic horror-comedy series that's shaken, if not to say stirred, the Western World. And a few pocketbooks, too.
Directed by Steven Lucas, produced by George Spielberg, and written by Martin Jackson and Peter Scorsese, "Star Wards" is, as we all know so well, the story of a waif, Luc Moneymaker (Narc Hemphill), who saves from destruction a home for retired movie stars that is far, far away and a heck of a long time ago, like before you were even born. Even.
With the help of his faithful sidekicks, the haughty Hand SoLow (Harrison Fairlaine), the dauntless Princess Pixar (Carrie Mebackto Olevirginny), the wise and aged guru Olden-One Coppola (Guinness Stout, "It's in the book!"), and his mascots See-3-PO'd (Tom Hunks) and How-D-Do-T (Denny DaVeto), Luc rescues the old folks from the diabolical clutches of their evil Overseer, Mala Vista (Jacques Valenti), his adopted son, Asta La Vista (the Honorable Arnold, baby), and Vista's nefarious henchmen, the brothers Tyme and Varner (Darth Eisner and Darth Murdoch), Dark Lords of the Cinematheque. A cameo appearance by young Sterling Christensen as the cuddly Judo Master, Yogi Teddybearra, completes the cast.
Fans of the epic will welcome this first-ever segment in its fifth DVD incarnation, eighth tape rendering, and fourteenth semiannual theatrical rerelease since its première in 1972. Fans will also be pleased to note that this episode contains only a single example of the director's prized CGI characters that were so liberally appended to the saga's later chapters. Indeed, the viewer may find the quaintness of this early movie's live actors a refreshing change of pace from the computer-generated animations so familiar to us today. Unfortunately, the live performers are unable to replicate the myriad visual nuances and facial expressions of their computer counterparts, but it's all part of the fun of this ancient, campy, live-action technology. Mr. Christensen remains the lone CGI-animated character in the film.
Based in part on the myth "The Man of a Thousand Pies" by celebrated PBS talk-show host J.R.R. "Soupy" Campbell and in part on the classic Samurai farce "The Hidden Fat in Chow Yun" by Acura Kurosodoff, "Star Wards" is THE seminal work in Hollywood's burgeoning retirement-home genre. Grounded in strong metaphysical convictions, deep existential philosophy, uncompromising moral values, and women in flimsy, white negligees, the movie is destined to stand the test of time, at least until the next installment comes along a week and a half from now.
Video:
For this Super-Deluxe, Extra-Elite, Thirty-Second Anniversary, Special Edition boxed set, the folks at Vixen Home Entertainment have transferred the film, all thirty minutes of it, to three dual-layered discs, front and back, for optimum playback quality. And, of course, the TPX-certified DVD audiovisual format preserves the movie's original theatrical-exhibition size, a 360:1 anorexic ratio, TechnoRabid SwaddleScreen-80 presentation. The filmmakers realize that this format could present some small problem to those viewers whose home theaters are not equipped to do it justice, but by utilizing as simple an array as sixteen 72" widescreen televisions in a circular pattern around the viewing area, the film can still provide a fascinating, if limited, visual experience. Colors are lifelike; flesh tones, particularly light greens and blues, are extraordinarily natural; and the panoramic scenery is out of this world.
Audio:
The sound reproduction is sound, offered up in the director's preferred configuration, Dolby Digits LucasEar 60.8 AX AuralSurround-500. Listeners with fewer than the optimal ten speakers per bank--ten front, ten back, twenty sides, ten ceiling, and ten floor, with eight 36" subwoofers--will still get a kick out of the all-enveloping nature of the audio playback. Even as few as 43.6 speakers are adequate for the job, so almost anyone can enjoy the beauty of LucasEar's celestial soundtrack. Highly recommended, especially if you don't like your neighbors.
