Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (Theatrical)

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With so many new characters, many of the original characters that the audience have known and become attached to are marginalized here. Lennox and Epps barely factor into the film. While Sam and Mikaela were able to get in on some of the action in the first film, they´re relegated here to screaming at the top of their lungs or running away from explosions in slow motion. Ironhide and Ratchet, two of the only Transformers I can actually recognize, hardly do anything either. Even the Fallen, who is supposed to be the big bad, maybe only gets fifteen minutes of screen time and hardly seems more menacing than any other Decepticon.

No, the Transformers who appear to get the most screen time are the Twins, Mudflap and Skids (one voiced by Reno Wilson, the other by Spongebob Squarepants himself, Tom Kenny), who have garnered a lot of controversy in the press. The pair have big ears, bugged out eyes, buck teeth (one of them gold), and speak in Ebonics. They´re stupid, illiterate and on a level of annoyance that rivals Jar Jar Binks. Two unfunny robots weren´t enough for Michael Bay as he also throws in Wheelie, an RC 4x4 who looks like Wall-E´s evil cousin and inexplicably speaks like an extra from "Goodfellas." He humps Megan Fox´s leg too, not that I blame him.

Does the idea of a robot humping a woman´s leg not seem funny to you? Michael Bay apparently thought it was so hilarious; he also threw in two scenes of dogs humping each other. Bay´s excesses and lack of originality run deeper than just recycling the same shots in every one of his films. He repeats the same lame jokes that revel in the fact that they target the lowest common denominator. We get the robots with bad teeth as well as a butcher with bad teeth trying to earn money for dental work. There´s dry-humping, Transformer testicles and an exceedingly long gag involving Sam´s mother tripping out on pot brownies. Curse words are liberally dropped into dialogue that´s already as clunky as the Transformers themselves. For a film that´s essentially selling toys to kids, "Revenge" is hardly family friendly.

There are some positive contributions in "Revenge." The special effects are the usual top-notch work from ILM. The Transformers fit seamlessly into their surroundings and there are moments where you believe they are standing side-by-side with their human compatriots. Catching the film in IMAX and seeing Optimus Prime in scale was pretty cool. Starscream (one of my favorite characters) gets a bit more to do in the sequel and his additional dialogue brings him more in line with his G1 incarnation.

"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" is the perfect embodiment of every negative aspect of the summer blockbuster. It´s a film that panders to the bases, adolescent desires. It´s loud, obnoxious, and unrelenting. Its junk food and for some that´s more than enough to satisfy their appetites. Personally, I'm more than happy to sit back and enjoy a dumb action movie every now and then. The thing about junk food is, it gives you a quick fix, but you´re eventually left hungry for a real meal. Films like "Iron Man" and "The Dark Knight" proved you can be a big-budget action spectacle with a smart story and genuine emotion.

"Revenge" simply substitutes noise and movement for any type of true emotional connection. The audience isn´t taken along for a journey as much as press ganged into it and yanked along. This is the type of messy sequel that was churned out of the "Matrix" and "Pirates" franchises. Whatever weak plot it possesses is only there to service a string of action scenes that are directed either blandly or nonsensically by Michael Bay. In the end, "Revenge" offers nothing that wasn't already seen in the first film.

"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" gets 4 out of 10 on the DVD Town Scale.

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