Yellowbeard (DVD)
APPROX. 96 MINS. - PROD. YEAR: 1983 - MPA RATING: PG
" Chapman as Yellowbeard thankfully sustains us with a mesmerizing performance, as does Kahn whenever she's on-camera. There just aren't enough laughs.
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etty: "Well, the afterplay was a bit on the rough side, but not fatal, dear."
Yellowbeard: "Where's the map?"
Betty: "What map?"
Yellowbeard: "If you say you don't know where it is, I'll nail your tits to the table.
Betty: "That's Yellowbeard."
Yellowbeard: I'm in disguise, you stupid tart!"
The action begins with a flashback to establish how Yellowbeard got his treasure, and then it's fast-forward 20 years to a prison where the brigand is about to be released. One release/escape later (it's hard to tell which), and Yellowbeard heads back to the tavern to get his map. It turns out that while son Dan doesn't have the heart of the pirate, at least he has the head for it. Mother Betty (Kahn) tattooed the map on his noggin when he was born. So with former first mate Moon (Boyle) and former prison mate Gilbert (Feldman) lurking in the wings, the Chapman-Cleese "Treasure Island" gang hires on as crew members serving under Capt. Hughes (James Mason), who has an interesting relationship with a sailor named Mr. Prostitute. They bide their time waiting for just the right moment, and the curious thing is, so do we. We wait, sometimes for more jokes, sometimes for more action, while the film veers back and forth. In the meantime, Chapman as Yellowbeard thankfully sustains us with a mesmerizing performance, as does Kahn whenever she's on-camera. There just aren't enough laughs.
Video: Presented in anamorphic widescreen (1.85:1), this print of "Yellowbeard" has visible dirt and other imperfections that appear as specks and flickers, though it's advertised as being remastered in High Definition. There's also considerable graininess throughout. This isn't a film that got painstaking care, either in the preservation or in the transfer. It's not horrible, but it's far from great.
Audio: The audio is a simple English Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo. Serviceable, no frills, nothing distinctive, but also nothing horrendous, when the sound could have been quite so at sea.
Extras: There are no extras.
Bottom Line: "Yellowbeard" has one foot on the dock and one foot on the ship, but it's the viewer who's the most uncomfortable with that split. It could have been funnier, and it could have been more adventurous. But it's "Yellowbeard," and ultimately that's a film that has bright moments but a much brighter potential that remains unfulfilled.
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