There’s a lot of ruckus, that’s for sure, and a lot of stuff happening all over the screen, but little of it could be said to pass for thrills or wit.
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Once upon a time in a land far, far away, there lived a young actor. He became very famous playing modest Everyman roles (because the mythical Tom Hanks had not yet been invented). The young man developed in stature and esteem, was worshipped far and wide, and almost achieved immortality until he sank into the depths of bloated, overproduced fairy tales. Then he reappeared in the early twenty-first century in two new pictures: one a serious and provocative political drama based on real-life historical events; the other a piece of nonsense.
Let´s talk about the nonsense. What makes "3000 Miles to Graceland" especially egregious is that Kevin Costner costars with Kurt Russell, Courteney Cox, Christian Slater, Kevin Pollak, David Arquette, Howie Long, Bokeem Woodbine, Ice-T, and Jon Lovitz, among others, all of whom should have known better. I mean, why would these otherwise sensible people put themselves into the hands of cowriter and director Demian Lichtenstein, whose only previous claims to fame were his work in the music-video industry and a little-noticed and poorly received film called "Lowball"?
The story is about a heist and a getaway. It begins with two computer-generated scorpions battling to the death on a desert floor during the opening credits, while a pounding hard-rock music score begins what will become 125 minutes of relentless torment on the soundtrack. The creatures will come to symbolize the struggle between the film´s primary characters in the final hour. The setting is Las Vegas during an International Elvis Convention at the Riviera Hotel and Casino. Costner as Thomas Murphy and Russell as Michael Zane get together with several other ex-cons--David Arquette as Gus, Christian Slater as Hanson, Bokeem Woodbine as Franklin, and Howie Long as Jack--to rob the casino by posing as Elvis impersonators. Jack is the helicopter pilot who will scoot them away from the scene of the crime. You WERE expecting helicopters, weren´t you?
The heist goes awry, as we expected, and the fellows have to shoot their way out of the casino, carrying 3.2 million dollars with them. The bloodshed becomes excessive but not very interesting or exciting, just chaotic and noisy. Somehow, they´re able to kill about fifty security guards before one of their number gets hurt. The rest of the film, about ninety more minutes worth, chronicles their escape, where they begin to fight among themselves as they head for Twin Falls, Idaho, to launder their ill-gotten gains. Things blow up en route, literally, and for no apparent reason except to fill the screen with loud and colorful fireballs; people turn on one another constantly; monumental coincidences and long odds turn up every two or three minutes; and the plot goes on and on, seemingly without end.
Russell is the charismatic co-leader of the group, the guy we know is bad but like anyway because he´s so charming. It´s a typical Kurt Russell role. Also, Russell looks and sounds the most like Elvis in his disguise; remember, he played Elvis in a TV movie about twenty years earlier, so he´s had experience. Along the way he romances a woman he chances to meet, Cybil Waingrow (Courteney Cox), a divorcee with a larcenous little kid, Jesse (named after the outlaw), played by David Kaye. Costner´s Murphy is the more intriguing character, though. By playing a tough, humorless, mean-spirited, cold-blooded killer, the actor appears determined to alter his boy-next-door image (unless you happen to live next door to San Quentin Prison). Murph is sincerely convinced he´s the illegitimate son of Elvis and will tolerate no jokes about the "King." Unlike Russell´s character, we know Murph is bad and hate him for it. So Russell´s character we´ve seen before, and Costner´s character we never want to see again. So much for our caring about the leads. The other actors you may recognize are Lovitz as the money man, Jay Peterson; Thomas Haden Church and Kevin Pollak as a pair of FBI agents with big pistols; and Ice-T as Hamilton, a gunman who appears for about two minutes at the end of the story and manages to deliver the funniest line in the film.
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