American Pie Presents: Beta House (DVD)

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Here we go again.

We are now into our sixth installment of the "American Pie" series, the franchise that will not die. Universal is obviously making some sort of profit from these low-budget direct-to-DVD flicks. They´re cheap and attract viewers by appealing to the lowest common denominator via a cornucopia of nudity and bodily fluids, even though you can find plenty of both all over the internet. The first "Pie" was a throwback to the raunchy sex comedies of the late-70´s and early-80´s such as "Porky´s" and "The Last American Virgin." The film followed a group of friends in their quest to lose their virginity before taking off for college. "American Pie 2" picked up the following summer with the characters up to their bawdy antics again. The third and final theatrical "Pie" film, "American Wedding", saw lead characters Jim (Jason Biggs) and Michelle (Alyson Hannigan) settling down and getting married.

The fourth "Pie" film and first to be released straight to DVD, "American Pie: Band Camp", dropped almost all previous characters and started fresh with an all-new cast. "Band Camp" followed Matt Stifler, the younger brother of Seann William Scott´s character, Steve Stifler, as he goes off to Band Camp. "Band Camp" only had a tangential connection to the previous three movies, you know, just in case someone can´t follow such a Dostoevsky-esque epic. The next chapter, "The Naked Mile" (which I had the distinct displeasure of reviewing), again featured all-new characters, this time Stifler´s cousin, Erik (John White), and another cousin, Dwight (Steve Talley). Reworking the original film, Erik and his buddies hope to bust their cherries before beginning their higher education. The newest slice of "Pie", "Beta House", is the first real sequel for the low-budget releases as we follow Erik in his freshmen year with best friend Cooze (Jake Siegel), and Erik´s new roommate, Bobby (Nic Nac), the token fat guy and source of several fart and poop jokes.

The boys move into a lavish dormitory that can only exist in a movie. The dorm is also co-ed, right down to the bathrooms. That´s right, co-ed bathrooms, proving once again this movie takes place in some magical fantasy land. Anyways, Dwight is the big man on campus and the leader of Beta House, the resident party fraternity. He´s almost always flanked by his pals, Bull (Daniel Petronijevic), this film´s version of Ogre, and Wesley (Jonathan Keltz), also known as "The Blackout Menace" because he does outrageous things after passing out drunk. Erik, Cooze, and Bobby pledge Beta House and are required to perform fifty Herculean tasks of debauchery and mischief. The first is trying to get a stripper to autograph their buttocks which leads to the boys getting beat up by a bunch of topless dancers. Other tasks include having sex with a professor, stealing an ostrich, having sex in the school library and probably a few others involving sex. But, college isn´t all wine, roses, and women as Beta House go up against the GEEK House, a rival fraternity full of nerds. The Geeks have the most ritzy frat house on campus and they get all the hottest women because they are the world´s future business tycoons. This inevitably gives way to conflict and high stakes competition as the Geeks and Beta House throw down for the Greek Olympiad, a series of games that were banned from campus for decades. Games that make up the Olympiad include a race to unhook the most bras and a tried-and-true drinking contest.

The idea of reversing the "Revenge of the Nerds" plot and making the nerds villains is a clever twist. It´s the best concept in "Beta House", but it´s never fully realized. The rivalry between the Betas and Geeks doesn´t really kick in until past the halfway point. Much of the first two acts involve Erik pledging for the fraternity while trying to romance a nice girl named Ashley (Meghan Heffern). I´m a sucker for nerd humor and geeky pop culture references. There are two somewhat amusing ones in "Beta House", the first involving a "Star Trek" sex role play and another featuring Bull battling Dave Maul, a lightsaber champion on the sci-fi convention circuit, in an "American Gladiators" style joust. However, that´s really it for the nerd humor and the filmmakers never truly mine the wealth of jokes that could be found in villainous nerds. They´re all just generic jerks that could just as well be preppies or jocks.

What humor there is to be found in "Beta House" are just the same tired jokes told over and over again. "There´s Something About Mary" became the first non-porn film to make male semen acceptable (for some, at least) in a mainstream movie and the original "American Pie" was right behind it. I suppose it´s a tradition, but by this point, it´s obvious they´re running out of ideas. A single joke about sperm is one thing, but six or seven of them is just tiresome and idiotic. References to it include Erik unloading some all over his girlfriend´s teddy bear and family photos, Erik trying to come to grips with his premature problems, an Olympiad contest in which the competitors must restrain themselves while receiving lap dances, a scene involving midgets and a sheep, a "Deer Hunter" Russian Roulette scene with horse semen instead of bullets, and even a scene involving female ejaculate. Could they really not think of any other bodily fluids to use?