American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile (DVD)

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Oh, the things I do for DVD Town.

I'd like to think that whatever omnipresent, cosmic beings control our universe shall dish out some good karma my way for sitting through "American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile." If not, then I'm just glad to have escaped the ordeal with all my brain cells intact.

In 1998, the Farrelly Brothers brought gross-out comedy to the forefront of pop culture with their smash-hit "There's Something About Mary." The following year, Paul and Chris, the Brothers Weitz, gave us "American Pie", an entertaining throwback to the teen sex films of the 80's, a genre pioneered by movies like "Porky's." Following its success, "American Pie" became a franchise, spawning two sequels, "American Pie 2" and "American Wedding." With the ensemble casts growing larger and, more importantly, demanding more money, Universal pulled a Disney. The series went the direct-to-video route, while jettisoning the majority of the characters. The first was "American Pie Presents: Band Camp" and now there's, "American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile." Somebody should have stopped when they were ahead.

"Naked Mile" takes a cue from the original film by essentially rehashing the previous plot. Taking over for the hapless Jim is the almost as hapless, Erik Stifler (John White), the cousin of Steve Stifler (Seann William Scott's character from the first two films) and his younger brother, Matt (the star of "Band Camp"). Erik is considered the black sheep of the Stifler family since he doesn't partake in the wild partying and excessive drinking that the rest of the men enjoy. He's also a virgin, a fact that makes him the butt of many jokes from his friends and classmates.

As much as he wants to, Erik's girlfriend, Tracy (Jessy Schram), just doesn't feel she's ready. Erik's best friends, Ryan (Ross Thomas) and Cooze (Jake Siegel), decide the best thing they can do for their buddy is take him on a road trip. Under the pretense of exploring their college options, the trio head to the University of Michigan to visit another Stifler cousin, Dwight (Steve Talley), who more than lives up to the family's rambunctious legacy. There, they hope to witness an event called the Naked Mile, where numerous co-eds strip off their clothes and jog around campus. Even better, Tracy naively gives Erik a guilt-free pass to do whatever he wants while he's away.

The only established character to return is Eugene Levy as Mr. Levenstein, also known as Jim's Dad. Good God, Mr. Levy, did the Christopher Guest checks run dry already? He makes a few brief appearances handing out advice to the young lovers, Tracy and Erik. It also turns out he is an alumni of Michigan and the founder of the Naked Mile, initially established as a form of political protest. Hippies...

Rounding out the cast of characters are the film's antagonists, a fraternity of angry little people. I guess we're not supposed to call them midgets or dwarves. However you identify them, they are the alpha males of the campus and are constant thorns in the side of Dwight and his fraternity brothers.

You know what you're going to get from "Naked Mile" right away during the film's opening. There, Erik is caught by masturbating by his parents and grandmother, then proceeds to spray his semen all over them causing grandma to die of a heart attack. As if one ejaculation joke wasn't enough, there's another one later in the movie. Therein lies one of the many problems with "Naked Mile." The jokes are repetitive, unoriginal, and just plain tired. The sperm gag was done years ago in "There's Something About Mary." It's been parodied and referenced hundreds of times since then. It's not funny or shocking anymore. It's been run into the ground. "Naked Mile" just continues to beat the maggot-ridden corpse of a dead horse.