Aside from one song, one touching moment, and Osmond and Ephraim's antics, there's not much here.
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"College Road Trip." Ohhhh, what a misleading title. In most people's minds it probably conjures up memories of that hilariously seedy road trip taken in "National Lampoon's Animal House" to plunder sorority booty and catch Otis Day and the Knights. For that matter, it probably calls to mind any number of lowbrow fraternity films. But flip over the box and you'll see that this film is rated "G." I mean, when was the last G-rated film you watched? I thought they went the way of the Edsel?
For families, it's probably reassuring that people like Roger Kumble actually try to make comedies that aren't laced with enough four-letter words, innuendo, or violent slapstick that would earn it a PG or PG-13 label. And truthfully, I'm not one of those who thinks that trying to make a G-rated film is like working with both hands tied behind your back. It can be done. But I don't think that Kumble or his cast pull it off, and most of the fingers have to point to the script by Emi Mochizuki, Carrie Evans, Cinco Paul, and Ken Daurio. Writers seldom get enough credit, and I like to name them when a film is particularly good . . . or when it's the main reason why it's painful to watch the stars struggle throughout the film to make it funny, touching, dramatic, or relevant. With a script like this, it ain't gonna happen.
We learn on one of the bonus features that this was primarily a vehicle for Disney Channel star Raven-Symone ("That's So Raven"), and that she was, as one of the executive producers, technically one of Kumble's bosses. But that's no surprise. The minute you saw her name and noticed a few other familiar faces from the Disney Channel--like Brenda Song ("The Suite Life of Zack and Cody") or Lucas Grabeel ("High School Musical")--you suspect that token adults Martin Lawrence and Donny Osmond are just along for the ride. This one is pitched at the Disney Channel set, and if you're not in the target age bracket, there's probably nothing much here for you--unless you want to see Osmond do his impersonation of the overly exuberant and obnoxious road-trip buddy that Jeff Daniels played in "RV." Whoever is managing Lawrence and Cuba Gooding, Jr. ought to be fired promptly, because he or she should have seen that this "vehicle" was headed for nothing but a rocky road and a crash-and-burn.
In spirit and in structure, "College Road Trip" comes closer to "Father of the Bride" than anything else. Make that a less accomplished "Father of the Bride." Lawrence plays James Porter, a police chief in a Chicago suburb who's been plotting his daughter's future ever since she was born. His main criteria for the college she'll attend? Proximity to home, so he can keep an eye on her, and that means Northwestern. But in the goofball opening mock trial where Melanie (Raven-Symone) defends the Big Bad Wolf, she so impresses the judge that (give me a break) he fixes it so she can get an interview for the pre-law program at Georgetown. Yeah, it works that way in the real world. But it's not as goofy as Lawrence's over-the-top protective father. Whether it was his idea or Kumble's, it's so far off the reality chart that it's not even funny. It's just dumb. And Osmond's portrayal is dumber . . . but at least it's laughably dumb. So is Melanie's little brother and his pet chess-playing pig, who are thrown into the mix for pure comic relief. And believe me, this film needs it.
Here's the premise: Melanie was going to accompany her two best friends to check out colleges when Dad decides to head her off at the pass and plan a daddy-daughter road trip . . . in his police car. The bone that Mom negotiates for her is a stay at a sorority house for Melanie while Dad stays overnight at Grandma's house. And she has to get to that interview at Georgetown or she'll lose her chance to get into that prestigious program.
First stop? Northwestern. Just check it out, he tells her. But it becomes instantly clear to her (and, unfortunately, the audience) that the whole thing is a set-up to convince her to attend school close to home that we're almost grateful for two "peas in a pod" like the father-daughter tandem of Doug and Wendy Greenhut (Osmond and Molly Ephraim). They sing, they giggle, they laugh, and together they're as overbearingly loud as the Chief. But at least they're funny. Too many things in this "comedy" aren't. The mishaps that occur along the trip are tired and predictable with the exception of a bunch of skydivers who intrude, and there are long sections played for sentiment that are just overdrawn. There are just two character arcs here, and both are predictable. You know that something is going to happen to make dad lighten up and loosen his grip on his little girl, and you know that something is going to happen to make Melanie draw closer to her father. It's those moments and the Greenhuts that make this worthwhile. Otherwise, it's about as exciting as a long car drive--a real yawner. And there's nothing in the minor characters or scenery or filming techniques to add interest. This is what it is, and that's a movie that's pitched at the Disney Channel crowd. Or lower. My daughter giggled throughout, and she's six years old. She was the only one. My ten-year-old son had the same reaction as I did. Ehhh. We won't even get into the fact that the little brother stowed away and was gone for so long that, in this age of cell phones, Mom didn't even bother to call the Chief to report him missing.
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[release]24233[/release]