...more exhausting than frightening or funny, it is more likely to induce earache than laughs or shivers.
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"Feast" comes from executive producers Wes Craven, Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, and Chris Moore, whom you may know as some of the guiding forces behind TV's "Project Greenlight." You may also have seen the television documentary on the making of this film, the 2005 gore-fest, or gore-feast, that premiered in theaters and then on DVD just weeks apart. Add in the fact that the DVD is an unrated cut, if you'll excuse the expression, and that it was one of the final productions the Weinstein brothers made for Dimension Films before they left to form their own company, and you get more publicity surrounding the film than the film probably deserves.
You may also remember "From Dusk Till Dawn," the half-comedy, half-horror movie from a few years back. Same thing here. The trouble is that most of the humor in "Feast" comes in the first ten minutes or so, and it's sporadic from then on. The movie does get off to a clever start, however, with a series of introductions to the major characters that clearly establish the film's tongue-in-cheek attitude toward fright flicks. The movie, you see, is about a group of people trapped in a bar in the middle of the desert (more shades of "From Dusk Till Dawn"), surrounded by a family of monsters wanting nothing more than to eat them all alive. Never mind where the monsters came from or why no other humans show up at the bar after the patrons have barricaded themselves in. The film is far too silly to succumb to such minor details.
Anyway, it's the introductions that are pretty slick, so let me quote a few of them. They are the best parts of the picture, and they're over in a flash; I'd hate for you to miss them. In each case, the camera freezes on close-ups of the characters, and captions give us their names, occupations, and life expectancies in the story. There's Boss Man (Duane Whitaker), "mean, stoned, and horny. Life expectancy: Regular or extra crispy?" Harley Mom (Diane Goldner), "robbing bar in ten minutes; life expectancy wild card." Bozo (Balthazar Getty), designated "town jackass; life expectancy, dead by dawn." Hot Wheels (Josh Zuckerman), an invalid, occupation "selling firecrackers to seventh-graders. Life expectancy: They wouldn't kill a cripple, would they?" Beer Guy (Judah Freelander), "part-time host at Red Lobster. Life expectancy: losers and dorks go first...he's both." Honey Pie (Jenny Wade), "actress, singer, dancer, model. Dying to get out of town; may get her wish." Coach (Henry Rollins), "motivational speaker, the poor man's Tony Robbins; stay far, far away." Vet (Anthony Criss), "has never had fun. Life expectancy: Don't ask, don't tell." Edgy Cat (Jason Mewes, the actor's character billed in the caption as Jason Mewes but in the closing credits as "Edgy Cat"), "Occupation: Actor. Life expectancy: Already surpassed expectations."
Whew! But I'm not finished yet. There's Heroine (Navi Rawat), "Occupation: Wear tank top, tote gun, save day." Hero (Eric Dane), "Occupation: Kicking ass. Life expectancy: Pretty f... good." Tuffy (Krista Allen), "career waitress, single mom, expects nothing from life." Cody (Tyler Patrick Jones), the kid, a "tax break; can fit into tight spaces. Life expectancy: Wonderful full life." Grandma (Eileen Ryan), "may already be dead." And, finally, there is the bartender, played by first-time director John Gulager's father, longtime TV star Clu Gulager, "horrifying death in 70 minutes."
Well, you can see from these intros that the filmmakers were not exactly taking any of this seriously, and, what's more, they do a good job of setting stereotypes on their ear. Yet at the same time it isn't another "Scary Movie" parody because the blood and guts are quite intense, too. The problem is that there isn't enough whimsy ("Yeah," says Boss Man looking at the severed head of one of the creatures, "that's one for the wall"), and there aren't enough genuine scares to qualify the film as either a comedy or a horror film. It's stuck in kind of a Neverland, being too frivolous to take seriously and too gory to take humorously.
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