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Most over-the-top movies either hurt my head or insult my intelligence. 1999's "The Mummy" was a spirited, fun romp, but its sequel, "The Mummy Returns", featured impossible situation after impossible situation, even for a movie with fantasy elements (for example, the hero manages to outrun the rising sun, a feat that requires a human to be able to run in excess of 1,000 miles per hour). Mercifully, "The Scorpion King" is such a silly, goofy enterprise that, despite its sheer dumbness, it elicited nearly continuous laughter from me. I'm not quite sure if the filmmakers intended for the movie to be a comedy, but I laughed so much and so hard while watching it at the movie theatre that I left the auditorium with a silly grin.
"The Scorpion King" is a prequel to a sequel of a remake. It is every bit as derivative as its origins, with plot elements rehashed until the movie is simply mush. Mathayus (The Rock), an assassin, has been hired to kill evil warrior Memnon's sorceress. The sorceress (Kelly Hu) has visions of death and destruction, leading Memnon to believe that bringing more death and destruction will assure him of his dominance in the ancient world. Who wins? Who gets to bed the girl? Care to venture a guess?
Just about everything in the movie seems to be designed for comic relief despite the "ominous" violence visited upon everyone by Memnon. There's a jabbering sidekick who won't stop whimpering and cowering, in sharp contrast to the Scorpion King. The showdown between The Rock and Michael Clarked Duncan (who plays another fierce warrior) is more goofy than adrenaline-rush-inducing. Also, how many times does the movie have to show the Scorpion King rising from the dead in slow motion? His life must be filled with peak dramatic moments and no dips in drama.
"The Scorpion King" also pushes the limits of PG-13 nudity. Kelly Hu spends most of the time nearly naked and in constant danger of becoming as unclothed as a newborn baby. Parents, seriously consider whether or not your children should be allowed to watch the movie.
I have 2 quibbles with the plot. First, if the sorceress can see the outcome of every battle as the movie purports, then she's not really seeing the future if Memnon can use the information that she provides in order to change things in his favor, right? Also, did you notice how the villainous Scorpion King of "The Mummy Returns" becomes a hero in his own movie? Oops...
You know what? It all matters little. Made to be a crowd-pleasing piece of disposable entertainment (like a can of soda, for instance), "The Scorpion King" is a 90-minute piece of nonsense. You'll watch it, laugh-until-you-hurt, and forget about it in no time. If you want a serious examination of "seeing the future", go watch "Minority Report" instead.
Video:
Universal's video transfers usually rank with the best, and "The Scorpion King" looks very good, too. Framed at 2.35:1, the anamorphic widescreen image features a colorful spectrum, crisp imaging, and no source print defects. However, the transfer appears a tad soft, faint halos ring some objects, and there's a slight haze during evening scenes.
Audio:
The DVD features two audio flavors: Dolby Digital 5.1 English and DD 5.1 French. An aggressive bass presence floods the room, and the bombastic music score gives the various speakers a heavy workout. However, sometimes, the dialogue gets buried by overly enthusiastic sound effects, and the surround channels often pump the same sounds, not appearing to be truly discrete as the best multi-channel mixes.
Optional English and Spanish subtitles support the audio.
Extras:
Released under the Collector's Edition banner, the DVD includes a couple of noteworthy extras along with the usual smattering of see-it-once-only filler materials found on so many Universal DVDs.
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[release]10433[/release]