Sydney White (DVD)

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If you´ve seen one Amanda Bynes movie, you´ve seen them all. The former Nickelodeon star has established her big-screen career by playing some variation of the spunky, tomboy-ish girl next door. Bynes is usually thrown into a coming-of-age, fish-out-of-water story. Just take for example, her previous films "What a Girl Wants" and "She´s the Man," the latter of which was loosely, very loosely, based on William Shakespeare´s Twelfth Night. Now, Bynes is starring in another modern-day retelling of an old classic. "Sydney White" takes the story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves moves it to a college setting and crosses it with "Revenge of the Nerds" and "Mean Girls." In fact, it feels as if the filmmakers just watched those last two films and blatantly plagiarized them.

Sydney White was raised by her single father, Paul (John Schneider), a plumber whose wife passed away when Sydney was only a child. Sydney grew up at construction sites and befriended all of Paul´s blue-collar buddies. She tends to know more about power tools than boys and fashion. One of Sydney´s most prized possessions is a box full of her mother´s keepsakes; photos, letters, and her sorority pin for Phi Kappa Nu. Now that it is Sydney´s turn to fly the coop, she hopes to follow in her mother´s footsteps and pledge the same sorority. As a legacy pledge, Sydney seems to be a shoo-in for acceptance if not for Rachel Witchburn (Sara Paxton), the head of the sorority and student body president. There´s almost a Hitler Youth feel when it comes to Witchburn and her minions made up entirely of pretty, skinny, white girls with various shades of blonde hair. Witchburn takes an instant dislike to Sydney and her animosity only grows as rush week passes. Rachel watches with jealous eyes as Sydney wins over her fellow Phi Kappa Nu sisters and makes goo-goo eyes at Rachel´s ex-boyfriend, Tyler Prince (Matt Long). Likewise, Sydney doesn´t take to Rachel and her snobby, elitist attitude.

Rachel waits until the big dance to give Sydney the boot along with a heaping helping of public humiliation. With nowhere else to go, Sydney winds up at a ramshackle, rundown cottage called the Vortex, because it sucks in all the losers. The dweebs, dorks, and outcasts of the campus all dwell at the Vortex, which they´ve decorated with "Star Wars" memorabilia. First, there´s Lenny (Jack Carpenter) who constantly sneezes due to his allergies to almost everything. Spanky (Samm Levine) is the new version of Happy, though Horny might be a better name as he´s constantly looking to hook up with a woman. It hasn´t happened yet. Doc is now Terrance (Jeremy Howard), a lanky beanpole who performs strange experiments and is "Rain Man"-like when it comes to numbers and statistics. Jeremy (Adam Hendershott) is so bashful that he has to speak to people through his hand puppet. Embele (Donte Bonner) is a Nigerian exchange student who sleeps throughout the day as his body hasn´t gotten used to the time change. The Vortex´s Dopey is the simple George (Arnie Pantoja) who still wears an Eagle Scout uniform and hasn´t learned how to tie his shoes. Finally, "Buffy" fans will undoubtedly recognize Danny Strong, who played the nerdy supervillain, Jonathan, on the show. Strong continues the act with a slight twist as the grouchy Gurkin, a video game addict who vents all his frustrations through an online blog.

In the grand tradition of almost every 80´s movie, the Vortex is in danger of being torn down to build a state-of-the-art center for the fraternities and sororities. Thus, Sydney must save her new home by defeating the unstoppable Rachel in the student body elections. She also has to win the heart of the handsome leading man while bringing the Seven Dorks out of their shells.

"Sydney White" holds absolutely no surprises. It is an entirely by the numbers affair and that includes the direction by Joe Nussbaum, who gained notice for the witty short film "George Lucas in Love" and has since toiled away at films like American Pie: The Naked Mile and "Sleepover." I will admit that in the retelling of Snow White, screenwriter Chad Gomez Creasy throws in a couple clever devices. The magic mirror is now a "Hot or Not" website that the number one ranked Rachel incessantly checks through her Myspace page. In the 21st century, the poison apple becomes a computer virus. It´s a shame Creasy didn´t use that same ingenuity when it came to the rest of the script. Calling "Sydney White" predictable is an understatement as it seems to embrace formula rather than attempt to shake it up. Even worse, the ending seems to have been lifted whole from the finale of "Revenge of the Nerds" with the word ´dork´ substituted for ´nerd.´ At one point, a female character proudly proclaims that she is "…in love with a dork." Sound familiar?